What is all this life thing about?

In life it is easy to get caught up in the world around you. Tell me the word Easter and I think BUNNIES!!! I love bunnies. But I am deeper than that and perhaps because of all that has happened I've been thinking so much about what I really believe in. So this is just a glimpse of faith in my eyes.

When I was little I loved the old Jewish teachings of the significance of the Passover. If you followed God's will (by sacrificing the lamb and smearing the blood on the door of your home) the destroying angel would passover you and spare the life of those you love. I still believe in that.

It always saddened me about the lamb that died. I know, I'm odd, but what did that creature do to have to suffer?

Unleavened bread is something that also always inspired me. God said leave, don't sit around there waiting for the bread to rise. GO!

In LDS teaching I later learned of the atonement, crucifixion and resurrection of Christ. It was the Passover that represented what was to come. Christ as the lamb to protect us from the destruction of sin and the Devil.

That idea of being protected I truly is real. God loves me. He loves my children. It hasn't been easy. As RA slowly takes away my body I've always embraced the hope that it will be made whole. I've stared death in my face and I'm still here. I should have died as a teen. I could have died in my twenties, and now I know I almost died this month.

I still don't understand why the suffering and why I'm here. Contemplating Passover and Easter this weekend has me more baffled how sensible life just doesn't make sense. I guess I just have to have faith. I don't know why we suffer so as humans. I just know if we do what we should the Destroying Angel passes us by. That when it is our time, these things will make sense. I try not to think what is ahead of me next... if I will ever go through more pain why I have already endured. It scares me to think of the unknown suffering.

Rather I feel in my heart I need to focus on God and trust in him. If you live in fear what is the point of living. Like Wesley said in Princess Bride: "Life is pain Princess". But it is also joy!!! I need to focus on the miracle of life and not the bad stuff. I want to be better to others. Smile more, whine less, work harder and love my life. I see my kids when they look into my eyes and I know God is good. I'm still grasping the idea of Christ, it is still very new to me, but I do believe he is real. I think about what he endured and it makes things more bearable. I don't know why all this is what it is. I simply know that God has protected me and no matter what this life is a small moment in a grander scheme. I guess that is what Passover and Easter to me is all about.