Monday, July 29, 2013

Closing the door...

"When one door closes, another one always opens!"  My mother when I was a child would always tell me that in response to a disappointment in hopes for a milestone.  I always hated that when she would tell me that.  It almost felt as if she were mocking all the hopes and handwork I had put into a small dream.

This Friday I had to decline my spot at ASU.  The funding was moved up from 2014 to Fall 2013 and I had to make the decision to go now or close the door on this wonderful opportunity.  I made the choice to go but when it came down to it my babies don't just belong to me but to their father as well.  I had to choose between going and risking a custody battle or to stay and let my dream go.  It hurts.  This was the chance of a lifetime and I've been working towards this since I was born.  To know I was this close to making it but now I have to back down and walk away.


My dreams are beautiful but the fact is that my dreams were nothing compared to my love and responsibility of caring for my children.  So I just feel have to figure out where to take my life and where to go.  I need to step away from everything I think and rebuild my life from scratch.  This is going to be hard but I know that is will be better for me than if I was risking my kids.  Those three are are more precious than rubies  Now I need to dust myself off and create new dreams.


“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
Alexander Graham Bell, from brainyquote.com

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Will you marry me?

Cally continues his crazy amount of cuteness in everything he does.  It broke my heart but he asked to shorten his hair and I agreed.  I always said I would never make him be something he didn't want.  I was relieved he didn't want a buzz cut though.  I think he looks just right.  While the hair did change not much else has changed.  



Callum is a funny duck.  His cleft drama I feel confidently is behind us so now he is just in a crumb load of speech therapy and slowly but surely his enunciation is improving.  Now his gym skills, well not really.  I sit there, like I did today, and just couldn't help but laugh.  This boy doesn't even want to do half the activities, he rather focuses on talking to all of the very pretty girls in his class.  He tries to hold their hands and give them hugs.

Recently he did a "Kid's Night" at Gym Magic and he just became obsessed with a young lady named Toria.  He loved little Victoria.  So much so that when he got home and couldn't stop talking about her for an entire week.  He told me he asked her to marry her and that she said she would.  So I guess he is engaged to get married.  Unfortunately since than he has continued to actively flirt with other girls though so I have my doubts they will make it to the alter.

While watching him flirt is hilarious I don't think he will be staying in gym for a lot longer.  He really loves sports and so we are currently team hunting for soccer.  He missed the cut off by two days last year for U4 soccer.  It killed him and he cried.  He spent all of Harm's practices, practicing on his own and he is honestly just fabulous in dribbling, scoring goals, and stealing the ball.  I'm excited for this season to let him get a chance to really play.  

Cally is growing up so quickly.  Both the twins are and that is hard for me.  I have always seen Harmon as the big brother so when I see him growing I get a little excited seeing how he is progressing and discovering the world.  With the twins though I think I selfishly want to freeze them in time because I know they won't be little forever and it is just going too quickly.  The idea that one day Cally will be someone else's sweet baboo instead of mine breaks my heart.  One day I fear marriage will be just around the corner for him!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Going no where fast...

We moved out of the suburbs a few months ago.  I didn't think I would ever move out of the suburbs because I love things being convenient and after having lived in LA and Vegas the idea of things being twenty minutes away did not appeal to me.  


But as the stress of "normal" life began to get to me I decided living in pecan orchards in a sleepy town sounded great.  So we live outside the city in the Town of Mesilla.  If you go to Mesilla it is known for it's little plaza and it's church which is an old Basilica.  The favorite restaurant for everyone is La Posta which is a place I would go to as a child and has exotic birds in the lobby.  There isn't anything outside the plaza though except for a handful of small homes and than farms.  Total is less than 1000 real residents.

The problem with being in such a small town is that the main source of revenue is traffic stops and to maintain the quiet atmosphere almost the whole town has a 20 to 25 mph speed limit.  So far I've not gotten a ticket but Chris, a babysitter, and poor Miriam our nanny has gotten one.  My brother teases me that he tries to set the car on cruise control to make sure he isn't speeding but the car tells him "hey, I don't drive this slow!"  It is nice though because I don't worry too much when we do walks at night.

The other funny thing is that I don't get mail service.  No one does.  So we have a bustling little post office because EVERYONE has to come there to get the mail.  It is fun because everyone is so sweet and I've gotten to know many of the residents.  Our house is on a narrow street where you have to take turns driving down because it is so narrow 2 cars can not be on it at once.  Most of the streets are that way and I think it is funny because I've only once been on the street and the other car didn't try to pull off the road to let me go.

It is a small town and it is a pain that I'm 20 minutes to Target these days but I must admit, I finally have my own little Mayberry!

Monday, July 29, 2013

Closing the door...

"When one door closes, another one always opens!"  My mother when I was a child would always tell me that in response to a disappointment in hopes for a milestone.  I always hated that when she would tell me that.  It almost felt as if she were mocking all the hopes and handwork I had put into a small dream.

This Friday I had to decline my spot at ASU.  The funding was moved up from 2014 to Fall 2013 and I had to make the decision to go now or close the door on this wonderful opportunity.  I made the choice to go but when it came down to it my babies don't just belong to me but to their father as well.  I had to choose between going and risking a custody battle or to stay and let my dream go.  It hurts.  This was the chance of a lifetime and I've been working towards this since I was born.  To know I was this close to making it but now I have to back down and walk away.


My dreams are beautiful but the fact is that my dreams were nothing compared to my love and responsibility of caring for my children.  So I just feel have to figure out where to take my life and where to go.  I need to step away from everything I think and rebuild my life from scratch.  This is going to be hard but I know that is will be better for me than if I was risking my kids.  Those three are are more precious than rubies  Now I need to dust myself off and create new dreams.


“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
Alexander Graham Bell, from brainyquote.com

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Will you marry me?

Cally continues his crazy amount of cuteness in everything he does.  It broke my heart but he asked to shorten his hair and I agreed.  I always said I would never make him be something he didn't want.  I was relieved he didn't want a buzz cut though.  I think he looks just right.  While the hair did change not much else has changed.  



Callum is a funny duck.  His cleft drama I feel confidently is behind us so now he is just in a crumb load of speech therapy and slowly but surely his enunciation is improving.  Now his gym skills, well not really.  I sit there, like I did today, and just couldn't help but laugh.  This boy doesn't even want to do half the activities, he rather focuses on talking to all of the very pretty girls in his class.  He tries to hold their hands and give them hugs.

Recently he did a "Kid's Night" at Gym Magic and he just became obsessed with a young lady named Toria.  He loved little Victoria.  So much so that when he got home and couldn't stop talking about her for an entire week.  He told me he asked her to marry her and that she said she would.  So I guess he is engaged to get married.  Unfortunately since than he has continued to actively flirt with other girls though so I have my doubts they will make it to the alter.

While watching him flirt is hilarious I don't think he will be staying in gym for a lot longer.  He really loves sports and so we are currently team hunting for soccer.  He missed the cut off by two days last year for U4 soccer.  It killed him and he cried.  He spent all of Harm's practices, practicing on his own and he is honestly just fabulous in dribbling, scoring goals, and stealing the ball.  I'm excited for this season to let him get a chance to really play.  

Cally is growing up so quickly.  Both the twins are and that is hard for me.  I have always seen Harmon as the big brother so when I see him growing I get a little excited seeing how he is progressing and discovering the world.  With the twins though I think I selfishly want to freeze them in time because I know they won't be little forever and it is just going too quickly.  The idea that one day Cally will be someone else's sweet baboo instead of mine breaks my heart.  One day I fear marriage will be just around the corner for him!

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Going no where fast...

We moved out of the suburbs a few months ago.  I didn't think I would ever move out of the suburbs because I love things being convenient and after having lived in LA and Vegas the idea of things being twenty minutes away did not appeal to me.  


But as the stress of "normal" life began to get to me I decided living in pecan orchards in a sleepy town sounded great.  So we live outside the city in the Town of Mesilla.  If you go to Mesilla it is known for it's little plaza and it's church which is an old Basilica.  The favorite restaurant for everyone is La Posta which is a place I would go to as a child and has exotic birds in the lobby.  There isn't anything outside the plaza though except for a handful of small homes and than farms.  Total is less than 1000 real residents.

The problem with being in such a small town is that the main source of revenue is traffic stops and to maintain the quiet atmosphere almost the whole town has a 20 to 25 mph speed limit.  So far I've not gotten a ticket but Chris, a babysitter, and poor Miriam our nanny has gotten one.  My brother teases me that he tries to set the car on cruise control to make sure he isn't speeding but the car tells him "hey, I don't drive this slow!"  It is nice though because I don't worry too much when we do walks at night.

The other funny thing is that I don't get mail service.  No one does.  So we have a bustling little post office because EVERYONE has to come there to get the mail.  It is fun because everyone is so sweet and I've gotten to know many of the residents.  Our house is on a narrow street where you have to take turns driving down because it is so narrow 2 cars can not be on it at once.  Most of the streets are that way and I think it is funny because I've only once been on the street and the other car didn't try to pull off the road to let me go.

It is a small town and it is a pain that I'm 20 minutes to Target these days but I must admit, I finally have my own little Mayberry!