Thursday, March 27, 2014

It's been two years now and life goes on...

Yesterday was a special day for me.  One of my best friend's Jamie had her birthday and we celebrated Chris' birthday.  Sitting around talking with my mother though I also realized yesterday marked two years since my serious accident...

I remember the trauma in many ways.  You never forget your first brain bleed or multiple fractures including your shoulder.  But you also move on.  Harm remembers me being in the hospital but he no longer gets sad thinking of it.  Some days I get really bad headaches and I have more confusion than I used to have.  But all in all I have healed beautifully.  

After the accident I said I had faith that all my losses would be made whole once more.  That has come true.  I have my beautiful kids and a so much to live for.  The accident changed so much, including my marriage, and I miss the life I had before in many ways but I know that it happened for a reason and I am stronger having gone through it.  And there have been blessings.  Miriam for example before the accident was a friend and nanny.  After the accident she became permanent family.  I learned that I can over come and I'm amazed by the resilience my kids have had in overcoming the trauma of me just disappearing and than me being hurt.

That is the way life is.  I never thought I could celebrate the twins birthday without feeling a horrible dread of mourning for their rough start and seeing them hooked up to breathing tubes in the NICU.  Now I just see the wonderful healthy beautiful babies they are.  Today I was laughing with Rachel because I was on the phone working and she yelled "mommy look at me" and she was doing a perfect handstand on the wall and I dropped the phone.  This was the girl who I mourned with a Cerebral Palsy diagnoses at 26 months.


Good or bad I don't know what the future holds.  I only know I can't stop it, control it, or avoid it.  What I can do is roll with it having faith in God and as my mom would tell me Dios lo quire.


Sunday, March 9, 2014

Visiting my other home!

Another blessing sort of snuck up on us in February.  Every year we have taken a couples trip (my husband and I) since we got married.  Unfortunately 2012 was the year of the accident with my other subsequent operations and for most of 2013 we were separated.  But this year on my birthday Chris surprised me with a chance to go home to where my mother was born and raised: San Juan Puerto Rico.

It was four days: we left at 4 in the morning Wednesday and came home by 5 on Saturday.  It was wonderful though.  The most magical thing for me about the trip was how much like home it always feels like.  My mother is the biggest influence of my life and she is just fabulous in every which way. We went to places where my Abuelito were stationed like Castillo de San Morro and for me it was like feeling his presence.

Here are some blog links to more pictures for those who are interested in it.





Tears in the toy aisle!


Having remembered how my siblings and I tortured my mother I have always tried to avoid toy aisles when shopping.  My kids have become accustomed that if they are with me we don't have time for toys and I try to shop without them.  But this week I couldn't avoid the tears, but as usual I was alone, and the tears were mine.  



It started with Dolly!  Harmon has devotedly slept with Dolly since he was 18 months.  Chris insisted this month that a young boy shouldn't have a doll.  Both Harm and I feel otherwise but in order to stop the constant contention we agreed she can stay in my room.  So yesterday I looked for a new lovey.  I grabbed a Ninja Turtle at first but it didn't have any sweetness or love.  Finally I settled on a small Monkey.  I still get upset though thinking my little boy won't be snuggling with Dolly every night.



I went on to get Harm and the twins a birthday gift (yes we had Harm's birthday party 2 months after the fact).  I got sad because the first time Cally requested a non-Thomas the Train toy.   Everyone was texting me what Harm wanted for his day and I knew he wanted Legos and Captain America stuff.  No more Toy Story or Cars for him.  Than I went to get Rachel a new dress and I began to look at the little baby clothing.  Those days are gone.  Next year I won't even be shopping in the baby/toddler possibly.  


When I choose to have a hysterectomy a year and a half ago I made the choice because I wanted to have a long and healthy life.  It was not an easy decision but the doctors were clear it would have been Russian Roulettee to not have it and I didn't want that.  It also made it final I would never have more children.  I always knew I wouldn't but it made it very final.  Only on days like yesterday do I get a little teary.  I miss the booties and the rattles.  The innocent smiles and never getting talked too in a snarky response.


Than I step back into the reality of the day.  My kids are wonderful and total awesomeness!  I laugh with them.  I watch them learn and grow.  I see how they serve one another and how good their hearts are.  As they grow older I feel like I just delight in them more each day.  At the party Harm was filled with gratitude.  His coaches from Gym Magic hosted and they couldn't stop gushing how special each of them were.  I will never hold my own newborn in my arms again, and can bring a tinge of sadness here and there I am truly grateful for the kids I have today.  They are beyond amazing and best of all they are all potty trained and sleep through the night ;)





Saturday, March 8, 2014

Going for the Gold

Gym Magic is about as timely as I am when it comes to getting around to special events.  One example was our Christmas Recital that they held in February.  Yes, February.  It was really stressful with all of the preparation but I can't get over how incredibly proud I am as a mother!!!


It was one of those hard events though where I just couldn't stand it because my kids are getting so big.  My mother couldn't get past how tall Rachel was and how Harm can now do a really great handstand.  The events were beautiful and so see for yourself!  It was total cuteness! 


Rachel will still be doing ballet with our most wonderful Miss Jackie on Saturdays.  I tried to get her into tap and jazz but she just wasn't having it so here she is :)



Harm has been moved up again in gym.  The recital was his last day in Flipping Frogs and advanced Grasshoppers.  I am so proud of him but a little worried.  He went from the tallest to now the smallest and they are working him hard.  I know he has the potential to do great though and while we don't know if he will start competing next year or until Rachel is old enough to compete with him, we sure are so proud of this born leader.



As I stated before Rachel is not interested in tap or jazz so we made the hard choice to let her do what she wants.  So in exciting news Rachel has joined the pre-competition level team at Gym Magic and is now a magical mini.  I don't get past how incredibly amazing and miraculous that a girl with Cerebral Palsy is on a balance beam and is doing gym tricks with kids a couple years older than her.  It has taught me the valuable lesson that only labels will limit children. 



Last but not least is our gold medal cutie Cally!!!!  It was bittersweet for him as well because he has moved from the girls gym to the boys beginner Grasshopper class.  He is doing great with the boys and still finds plenty of time to give hugs to all of his beautiful girl instructors.  I just beam seeing how happy he is and at gym he is no exception!


Being my own boss!

Part of the reason I've been so busy and not blogged in quite a while is that in addition to graduate school part time I started my own company!!! 


I have been working in marketing for a few years now since we moved to New Mexico but I've always worked for other people.  This January my New Years Resolution was to start my own company.  Since my bestie Miriam (our former nanny yes but we still see each other 3x or more a week and are still thicker than thieves) got a degree in graphic art and design.   So she helps me at night and on the weekends with design stuff.  Mainly what I do now is have clients with specific marketing needs: social media, networking, special events coordinating, etc. and I contract with them to fill that void.

It has been wonderful.  We have already booked our first few clients and I love my clients who are all awesome.  I enjoy being able to still work from home primarily.  I'm grateful for my mom who helps with the kids when I have work in El Paso and the kid's preschool here has been great with after hours care.  The hardest part is not wanting to let any client down.  For this reason I am starting to pace myself because there is only one of me and my first job will always be mom.

Our official launch will be in May after the March of Dimes, finals, and Showcase of Homes.  At that point once my website is finished I will share it on the blog.  It has been both a big step and a very liberating feeling, I just hope I can get it fully off the ground and do a great job!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

It's been two years now and life goes on...

Yesterday was a special day for me.  One of my best friend's Jamie had her birthday and we celebrated Chris' birthday.  Sitting around talking with my mother though I also realized yesterday marked two years since my serious accident...

I remember the trauma in many ways.  You never forget your first brain bleed or multiple fractures including your shoulder.  But you also move on.  Harm remembers me being in the hospital but he no longer gets sad thinking of it.  Some days I get really bad headaches and I have more confusion than I used to have.  But all in all I have healed beautifully.  

After the accident I said I had faith that all my losses would be made whole once more.  That has come true.  I have my beautiful kids and a so much to live for.  The accident changed so much, including my marriage, and I miss the life I had before in many ways but I know that it happened for a reason and I am stronger having gone through it.  And there have been blessings.  Miriam for example before the accident was a friend and nanny.  After the accident she became permanent family.  I learned that I can over come and I'm amazed by the resilience my kids have had in overcoming the trauma of me just disappearing and than me being hurt.

That is the way life is.  I never thought I could celebrate the twins birthday without feeling a horrible dread of mourning for their rough start and seeing them hooked up to breathing tubes in the NICU.  Now I just see the wonderful healthy beautiful babies they are.  Today I was laughing with Rachel because I was on the phone working and she yelled "mommy look at me" and she was doing a perfect handstand on the wall and I dropped the phone.  This was the girl who I mourned with a Cerebral Palsy diagnoses at 26 months.


Good or bad I don't know what the future holds.  I only know I can't stop it, control it, or avoid it.  What I can do is roll with it having faith in God and as my mom would tell me Dios lo quire.


Sunday, March 9, 2014

Visiting my other home!

Another blessing sort of snuck up on us in February.  Every year we have taken a couples trip (my husband and I) since we got married.  Unfortunately 2012 was the year of the accident with my other subsequent operations and for most of 2013 we were separated.  But this year on my birthday Chris surprised me with a chance to go home to where my mother was born and raised: San Juan Puerto Rico.

It was four days: we left at 4 in the morning Wednesday and came home by 5 on Saturday.  It was wonderful though.  The most magical thing for me about the trip was how much like home it always feels like.  My mother is the biggest influence of my life and she is just fabulous in every which way. We went to places where my Abuelito were stationed like Castillo de San Morro and for me it was like feeling his presence.

Here are some blog links to more pictures for those who are interested in it.





Tears in the toy aisle!


Having remembered how my siblings and I tortured my mother I have always tried to avoid toy aisles when shopping.  My kids have become accustomed that if they are with me we don't have time for toys and I try to shop without them.  But this week I couldn't avoid the tears, but as usual I was alone, and the tears were mine.  



It started with Dolly!  Harmon has devotedly slept with Dolly since he was 18 months.  Chris insisted this month that a young boy shouldn't have a doll.  Both Harm and I feel otherwise but in order to stop the constant contention we agreed she can stay in my room.  So yesterday I looked for a new lovey.  I grabbed a Ninja Turtle at first but it didn't have any sweetness or love.  Finally I settled on a small Monkey.  I still get upset though thinking my little boy won't be snuggling with Dolly every night.



I went on to get Harm and the twins a birthday gift (yes we had Harm's birthday party 2 months after the fact).  I got sad because the first time Cally requested a non-Thomas the Train toy.   Everyone was texting me what Harm wanted for his day and I knew he wanted Legos and Captain America stuff.  No more Toy Story or Cars for him.  Than I went to get Rachel a new dress and I began to look at the little baby clothing.  Those days are gone.  Next year I won't even be shopping in the baby/toddler possibly.  


When I choose to have a hysterectomy a year and a half ago I made the choice because I wanted to have a long and healthy life.  It was not an easy decision but the doctors were clear it would have been Russian Roulettee to not have it and I didn't want that.  It also made it final I would never have more children.  I always knew I wouldn't but it made it very final.  Only on days like yesterday do I get a little teary.  I miss the booties and the rattles.  The innocent smiles and never getting talked too in a snarky response.


Than I step back into the reality of the day.  My kids are wonderful and total awesomeness!  I laugh with them.  I watch them learn and grow.  I see how they serve one another and how good their hearts are.  As they grow older I feel like I just delight in them more each day.  At the party Harm was filled with gratitude.  His coaches from Gym Magic hosted and they couldn't stop gushing how special each of them were.  I will never hold my own newborn in my arms again, and can bring a tinge of sadness here and there I am truly grateful for the kids I have today.  They are beyond amazing and best of all they are all potty trained and sleep through the night ;)





Saturday, March 8, 2014

Going for the Gold

Gym Magic is about as timely as I am when it comes to getting around to special events.  One example was our Christmas Recital that they held in February.  Yes, February.  It was really stressful with all of the preparation but I can't get over how incredibly proud I am as a mother!!!


It was one of those hard events though where I just couldn't stand it because my kids are getting so big.  My mother couldn't get past how tall Rachel was and how Harm can now do a really great handstand.  The events were beautiful and so see for yourself!  It was total cuteness! 


Rachel will still be doing ballet with our most wonderful Miss Jackie on Saturdays.  I tried to get her into tap and jazz but she just wasn't having it so here she is :)



Harm has been moved up again in gym.  The recital was his last day in Flipping Frogs and advanced Grasshoppers.  I am so proud of him but a little worried.  He went from the tallest to now the smallest and they are working him hard.  I know he has the potential to do great though and while we don't know if he will start competing next year or until Rachel is old enough to compete with him, we sure are so proud of this born leader.



As I stated before Rachel is not interested in tap or jazz so we made the hard choice to let her do what she wants.  So in exciting news Rachel has joined the pre-competition level team at Gym Magic and is now a magical mini.  I don't get past how incredibly amazing and miraculous that a girl with Cerebral Palsy is on a balance beam and is doing gym tricks with kids a couple years older than her.  It has taught me the valuable lesson that only labels will limit children. 



Last but not least is our gold medal cutie Cally!!!!  It was bittersweet for him as well because he has moved from the girls gym to the boys beginner Grasshopper class.  He is doing great with the boys and still finds plenty of time to give hugs to all of his beautiful girl instructors.  I just beam seeing how happy he is and at gym he is no exception!


Being my own boss!

Part of the reason I've been so busy and not blogged in quite a while is that in addition to graduate school part time I started my own company!!! 


I have been working in marketing for a few years now since we moved to New Mexico but I've always worked for other people.  This January my New Years Resolution was to start my own company.  Since my bestie Miriam (our former nanny yes but we still see each other 3x or more a week and are still thicker than thieves) got a degree in graphic art and design.   So she helps me at night and on the weekends with design stuff.  Mainly what I do now is have clients with specific marketing needs: social media, networking, special events coordinating, etc. and I contract with them to fill that void.

It has been wonderful.  We have already booked our first few clients and I love my clients who are all awesome.  I enjoy being able to still work from home primarily.  I'm grateful for my mom who helps with the kids when I have work in El Paso and the kid's preschool here has been great with after hours care.  The hardest part is not wanting to let any client down.  For this reason I am starting to pace myself because there is only one of me and my first job will always be mom.

Our official launch will be in May after the March of Dimes, finals, and Showcase of Homes.  At that point once my website is finished I will share it on the blog.  It has been both a big step and a very liberating feeling, I just hope I can get it fully off the ground and do a great job!