Being a "REAL" mother...

It is funny b/c when I was growing up and even post-college motherhood was never a big goal in my life. I never babysat growing up. I never wanted to hold other people's kids and I never got all sappy when I saw a new baby. My dreams were always different.

My Mother and I with Harmon

When I had my kids it wasn't any better. With Harmon especially... this 5 lb colicky, screaming, puking creature... I just wanted to put a sign on my front door saying "free infant to a good home". Oddly enough when he does things like break my IPhone or color my purse with permanent marker I've been tempted to put that sign once again on my front door.

The twins were a little bit easier in some ways and much harder in others. Suddenly I had two new blobs and they were intruding on this very close relationship I had with Harmon (who no longer was a blob but my dear sweet wonderful baby boy). Balancing Harmon and now the twins had more serious health needs (and again there were two of them) so all that "mothering" I had mastered was completely useless. Once again I felt like putting that sign on my door.

My sister playing with the boys

Through all of this though I've been surrounded by help. In Las Vegas I had a dear friend, Kim, who just really stepped in and helped me know I wasn't alone. My sister Eliza was always at our home just ready to help while my BFF Jaimie was alway ready to kidnap me for some baby-free fun. Many dear friends gave us great hand-me down stuff b/c things were really really tight cash wise.

When we moved here my mother stepped in and when I spent two months in the hospital she actually took over full time care for Harmon. Since than, new friends here in Las Cruces have put in a helping hand as has Chris' family. Than there is Miriam our nanny. She has cared for the kids since the twins were home for the hospital. She has become a dear friend and the kids love her more than anything (all 3 say her name all day long).

Grandma Hakes w/Cally

So today is Mother's Day and it has me led to me realizing that first off while mother-hood was never in the plans it truly has been the best thing ever. I really love my kids more than anything! My family is the best part of my life!!!

The other thing it had me remember is that being a mom doesn't really just mean you gave birth or adopted children. When we were in London, I had just been diagnosed with infertility and of course it was Mother's Day. In church the speaker mentioned that every women is a mother at heart. It made me feel better a little and than Chris told me that was boo hah and again I felt a touch mopey. Now though I realize that it is true. Many of my friends who I talk about on this blog who have helped me don't have kids; but they have a heart full of love. I guess tonight I wanted to give them a nod of appreciation. I wouldn't want to be a mom w/o these ladies by my side.

Miriam with the twins