It was a very odd honest moment for me. I don't think in my mind I've ever imagined or wanted one more kid. But for that one moment I thought in my mind: oh it would be so much fun to be pregnant, to hold a squishy newborn, and have one more bouncing infant in a excersaucer as I worked on a report, smiling at me. Cute baby toes and first smiles, it all came back and for the first time since I had the twins I wanted just one more chance for this opportunity!
That moment was fleeting. Just as soon as I thought that and said it I realized oh HELL no! I love my instant family. The three kids are very close and it just works for us. They are all best friends. In a couple of years we will be taking them to Disney and when they are in high school hopefully Europe. The boys can be on the same sports team most of the time and I have ample time to do Rachel's dance. Since they are all the same age, we can do so much.
Personally, I have professional goals I've put on hold to get my kids to kindergarten and more independent. I like sleeping. I didn't sleep through the night for 3 straight years. The biggest reason I feel good in that choice of being done is because emotionally they already stretch me. As the baby needs go away and the emotional support needs start coming in I realize how much I'm going to need to be there for each one as an individual. I want them each to know both Chris and I are there for them about anything. My friend who is a child social worker calls it a circle of security or in other words being there with them so when they want to venture away they know I am waiting there watching, and when they come back I'm there ready for them. That is being there is harder than I think I ever thought it would be.