The whole pathetic story!

Please let me preface the post by I hate whining. I used to be "that person" who people would just roll their eyes with when they saw me coming b/c it was always "woe is me". I've had plenty reasons in life to whine, especially than, but it wasn't solving anything. Lately, though that has taken me to the opposite extreme. I've pretended each day just gritting my teeth and keeping things to myself. I smile and try to be optimistic but it comes to a point where I need to be realistic too. You have to be in life a little of both. So this is my story of everything going on. After all to quote one of my favorite songs by Ryan Shupe, "I'm not a superhero". So this is the whole story I've been experiencing. It is my hope a couple years from now and read it knowing that everything is long behind me.

It started December 3rd. I was in a car accident. It was no fault of my own, DUI, nevertheless if I could go back in time I wish I could have done something to prevent it. It caused the 3 vertebra in the neck and 3 in the lower back to bulge and swell. I've been doing active physical therapy and massage 5x a week though determined to fix that. The problem is I can't fix my C-4 disc. That was burst and is now pinching my nerve and throwing my neck off. They say it is a condition called "Ridiculopathy". I've had a few opinions and supposedly it needs surgery.

I am not sure though at this point b/c I've trusted doctors before that surgery was the answer and it didn't fix the problem sometimes. In the mean time they have been doing pain shots through out my spine. I call it bee stings b/c that is what it feels like to have needles in my neck to my tail bone. That helps and so do the patches on my neck but the condition is causing really severe pain and it is making it hard to use my left arm. so I will be getting an epidural in my neck soon. II'm very excited about that. It should last 4 months to 6 months and give me time to decide my next move and get more information.

In the mean time I had a laproscopy that was pretty minor in January. The doctor later told me he was surprised there was not more going on than some odd adhesions from my c-sections. When I thought the coast was clear 3 days later I ended up back in the hospital violently vomiting (and other). We found out I had been living with amoebic dysentary. What can I say... guess that darn dolphin got me this Summer b/c it was caused by the trip to Mexico. They were treating it with Flagel but after the treatment ended I didn't feel much better.

Than on top of things I didn't get my flu shot this year. It was my fault. I was so teased by those closest to me that it was an evil conspiracy that didn't work so I figured I would pocket the 20 dollars. Of course, Chris gave me the flu last month and than I got a sinus infection.

So all of this led to the events of last week and this week. Two Sunday's ago I started vomiting (etc) pretty badly. I ignored it being stubborn and really sick of medical care. That led me to the emergency room AGAIN on March 13. They released me with the orders to get follow up with a colonoscopy and endoscopy as soon as my gastroenterologist came back in 3 wks from Brazil. I didn't get better though and by Friday I needed to be admitted for more serious emergency care.

I went to the hospital that day and by midnight we discovered I had several kidney stones in each kidney (probably from the days of dehydration). Sunday they repaired a hiatal hernia in my esophagus and Monday they removed 3 masses from my colon. That caused severe bleeding (oops) in a place you don't want tons blood coming from so they kept me for another day.

Where I am at now is sort of still in limbo. I'm waiting for the biopsy of the masses in my colon and I'm waiting for the effects of that procedure to stop. Eating is hard, but I'm taking each meal very slowly. I imagine the other surgery is healing still. I'm in a lot of pain and all of this isn't helping my neck. I'm seeing my rhuematologist by emergency appointment on Monday b/c the theory is that it is all the medications I'm on that is causing this. It is compromising my immune system and ruining my digestive track. We are also waiting to see if the amoebic dysentary was still in my system (which would make sense) or if some of the problems were caused by too strong of antibiotics when I got the flu. I have these "track marks" from all the surgeries and blood draws and IV's. My hair is a frizzy mess and I don't that great about myself while normally I have a good healthy self-image. I guess the only good news is that if I continue to lose weight I can be on America's Next Top Model (that is a joke).

So there are more questions in my mind than answers. I would lie if I said I was not frustrated or scared. I barely turned 30 two months ago and the decisions I'm facing are things normally you deal with when you are much much older. The support in my family here hasn't been too awesome but I've had so many friends rally around me. Most importantly though I have my kids. They are awesome and inspire me to get through this. Finally, I've been writing, every second I have. I doubt my stuff is that great but it is a joy to create art and I feel I am just really discovering new talents.

I also have life experience where I've seen miracles and overcome things doctors said I never would. It is that which inspires me to get better and not give in. I'm hoping to get in eventually to the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale (I did this many years ago and they are pimp daddies). In the mean time we are doing intergrative care b/c no human should be on as much medicine as I am.

So that is the deal for now. It sucks, but I'm hoping the worse is over. If it is or isn't though I will get through things as I always have. I have the 3 best reasons in the world and the faith to help. I just hope the worse is over. This is not a point in my life that I ever want to revisit again. This weekend is Chris' birthday and we are "staging" St. Patrick's day for the kids. They are so excited about Leprechauns. These are the things worth fighting for in life.