Back in My Day

Sometimes I think I am living with my father who grew up during the Great Depression once again.  Every day I'm bombarded with the, "back in my day we didn't have _______________".  Of course rather than my father it is always my husband.  

Chris grew up with 8 siblings, yes EIGHT brothers and sisters.  His mom was a stay at home my and while his father was very successful when you have 11 members in one house money doesn't go far.  Because of this though there is a really big gap between what I want to give my kids for opportunities and just fun family moments, and Chris' meted deprivation.

Both of my parents were born in real poverty.  At the feed store the cashier teased me about eating the ducks and my mother, quite serious, explained what a pain in the rear it is to pluck a chicken or duck by hand.  My father won't even eat chicken because that was the only meat he ever really ate until he got to college.  It seems so removed to me to even imagine my mom wearing flour sacks or my father jamming to the "40's on 4" (the Sirius Digital Radio station) alongside Captain America back in 1943.

The funny thing is that since they were both so poor both of them with shear determination pursued college degrees and became quite successful.  They made sure we as kids had all the oppourtunities that they didn't.  I grew up with frequent theater trips in Los Angeles and San Francisco and annual trips to see the Bolshoi Ballet.  We went to private school and always had the best clothing and other material needs met.  Later when practicing law in a Texas got more complicated the easy living days were over but I was still left as a young teenager with the desire to work hard and achieve, just as my parents had.

Chris on the other hand learned to work hard for anything he ever wanted.  His family lived in a nice home in Mesa AZ with a pool and so he and his older siblings would spend their summers holding a day camp for kids in the neighborhood.  He proudly proclaims how he picked cotton, babysat, moved lawns, framed homes, and worst of all worked at McDonalds just so he could visit Golfland or buy a video game.  This upbringing taught him that if he wanted more he had to earn it.

So in Chris' mind our kids need to be the same way, deprived; while I think you can teach kids good values through good oppourtunities.  The only solution when confronting such different parenting techniques is compromise.  I think we did that well last week.  We went on vacation and enjoyed Disneyland, Long Beach, and Las Vegas which was up my alley but we stuck to a very strict budget and the kids had to work to earn money for their trip which is up Chris' way.  

It is very difficult in making a modern family in the shadows of our own upbringings.  We just have to remember is that it matters less how it was back in our day but being united in parenting in the here and now.

Being there for Harmon...

I'm learning as a mom very quickly that the most important thing I can do is simply be there for my children.  It is more important than soccer practice, it is more important than T-Ball or gym.  It matters more than what school I choose for them or when they go.  I learned that lesson again on Wednesday.

Harmon started his swim classes on Tuesday at NMSU.  He is a mid level swimmer learning proper strokes and so forth.  While waiting for the teacher and his turn, mid-lesson he just got bored and jumped in the pool.  He wasn't at risk of drowning but not following directions is NOT OPTIONAL.  He was swarmed by life guards, the swim program head, and myself in five seconds.  They warned him and I figured that was the end of it.

After class I saw him crying his eyes out.  We stopped and I sat with him.  He told me: "Mommy, I'm always getting in trouble.  I can't listen at school, gym, and swim.  They never let me play in t-ball and I'm just a loser who is bad.  I want to quit everything."  My heart broke for him.  We talk a lot and he often shares his struggles with me.  I try to always catch him being good and really encourage him constantly because I know that he struggles.  I just hugged him tightly and told him he is more than his struggles and he will overcome.

Afterwards I called for his swim teacher to come back out and Colin was sweet enough to encourage Harm not to quit.  Later that his gym teacher David also encouraged him and let him know how much he believed in Harmon, and loved him.   Last night, I went to the end of his T-Ball game after I finished important work.  I almost didn't go, but I made it just in time to see his one and only time to bat.  He made a run and was so proud.  It meant so much to him that I was there to see him.  Afterwards just him and I went for ice cream.  I was so glad I got there in time for just 15 minutes of a game.

Just like adults kids struggle.  They need love and encouragement and they need someone that loves them enough to be there for them and listen.  I was grateful enough God placed me in the right place at the right time to be there for him and it has alerted me to the fact that I always have to be on guard and be ready to be there for him.  I can't keep him from hurting, I can only be there to offer him hugs and kisses and be ready to listen and love when it happens.   I need to be there more for my kids.  I love them so much and I want them to know that each and every day.

Be Still...

I have two very crazy active kids and one other kid who very active.  It's not really a surprise because Chris and I are very active.  We always like to be doing and learning and be in the middle of everything.

Perhaps that is why when times like now, I find myself struggling.  My treatment for RA is becoming more intense because I am losing function and the flares up are much worse.  I have to make a decision when times like this happen.  I have to choose sometimes to increase medications that make me sick in order to preserve my long term quality of life.  I have found in my experience that new medications often are worse when I first start but my body eventually adapts and I get my mojo back.

Right now I am in my second week of a new treatment and it has thrown me off my feet.  I have a lot of faith that in good time I will be able to adjust to the medicine or we will change it.  We won't know either way for a few more months because we are slowly increasing it each month for about four months to eight months.  It is my hope at the end of this my RA factor will go down and I will be able to do more with my kids like playing in a park or taking a long walk with them.  The things that are very difficult for me today.

So when I start to feel sorry for myself about the medicines I am trying to count my blessings instead.  Slow down and rest.  Watch my babies and rather than think of all the things I can't do because I'm tired, be grateful for all that I have, with the real hope one day I will be able to do more.

Let's go to the Circus!

College Heights is a magnificent school!  Every year rather than doing a kindergarten graduation they celebrate with a big school wide circus.  It's sad for me because this is Harm's sort of graduation and next year he will be watching rather than part of the celebrations.

Where to begin?  Well when Harm is acting up in the future I can always tease him that he is acting like a horse's butt because well he was a horse's butt!  What parent parent brags about that?  I do!  Because between him and his partner Payton Harm did the cutest little dance, and when you consider that he can't see a thing and was perfectly instep that is something to celebrate!

In fact I just couldn't be prouder of Harm's parts!  He had the only singing solo in the school and two dancing duets with Payton.  He is amazing.  As someone who strives to raise her kids in the arts I just burst while seeing him just bloom singing and dancing.  He was bummed.  All his besties were clowns and he wanted to be a clown.  I told him that he was given a special talent to sing and dance and he teased me that he would rather send them back so he could be a clown. Than I tell him the joy he gave me and he just smiles.  He was the cutest horse's butt and dancing bear ever!

The babies were beautiful as well.  Rachel was supposed to be part of the merry go round but than Kari, our principal remebered she was a dancer and decided that she should be a dancing doll.  They touted these girls as the most beautiful girls in all the land and I couldn't have agreed more.

Cally was also cute as a button.  Him and his cute friend JP starred in the dog and pony show.  JP was the pony and drove a trike around the stage and Cally stood on the bike waving as a cute dalmation.  

Another school year has passed and the circus has left.  I'm so grateful for the beautiful memories that were made and a chance to celebrate seeing my kids grow and blossom.

Just Cally and I!

This has been a very interesting last couple of months for my babies.  There has been a lot of growth in each child that I've seen.  I try to embrace changes but I'm sad.  For the last year Callum has been my constant companion being the only child to attend school half days.  That is changing really soon.  Right now the kids are all home half days but next year they will all be in school full time.

It started at first as a pain.  When Miriam got hired by our company full time Callum was supposed to be an all day puppy, Rachel was supposed to do DDPre in the morning and be an afternoon puppy.  Harmon of course was full day roadrunner for his kindergarten year.  Rachel and Harm did great but Cally was very unhappy.  I kept thinking he would get used to it but after a month I felt very prompted that I needed to take him out and have him continue only going to school half day.

At first I felt like this was going to be a total thorn in my side.  I was so excited to have time for focusing on my work.  How wrong I was!  He has never been in my way.  He is very patient and well behaved.  He loved spending time sitting next to me cuddling while I worked watching Scooby Doo.  He called himself my cuddle bug.  When I needed to go to the university he sat patiently and waited with me.  He would remind me not to get too intense because you need to take play breaks and snack breaks.  It was like having an angel with me.

Now next year is coming and my angel is growing up.  Instead of happiness for all this new time I'm sad. I will miss him so much.

Ducky, Ducky, Doo!

This weekend we were blessed that Harm's Magpie Brigham hatched 12 baby ducks. We have had our ducks now for a little over a year and have been fun additions to our family.

In the last year they have taught our kids responsibility.  When they came as babies the kids were so excited but when the newness wore off they learned that animals take work and love.  Harmon who is in charge of cleaning their water daily learned that you can't take Christmas off or his birthday.  The twins feed them and Rachel has been the one to watch over them.  

During this time their excitement has turned to love.  They have come to love them.  They love playing with them, and caring for them.  Unlike a pet that might come home and be discarded I feel like I'm doing something right as a mom because they have grown to be joyful part of their lives.  When the ducky babies hatched the kids were just beyond joyful and excited.  

We should have a summer of joy and excitement with two other ducks nesting.  It will also be hard when it is time to rehouse some of them.  I think we will give our drake back to the gentleman who gave him to us and just keep our original females (and maybe 3 more babies that are female) but I'm so grateful the kids get this unique experience!

Aww nature... AHHH nature!!!!!!!!

I've always sort of had an uneasy friendship with Mother Nature.  In someways I love nature, after all it's gorgeous but I will never enjoy being barefoot or loving the idea of sitting on grass.  Since moving out to Mesilla it has been an idealic existence.  It's just beautiful and peaceful, but it isn't all cherry pie and ice cream.  My allergies are horrible, yard work on a country home sucks, bugs EVERYWHERE, and so forth.  Still I'm glad we are are here.

The kids on the other hand complain constantly about their horrid fate.  They miss suburbia and being close to everything.  They hate the extra work and they complain the country is boring because all they can do is chase ducks and play basketball.  So this morning I decided to let them take a country stroll in the pecan orchard near our house.  They came back screaming in horror!  The culprits were:

82 degree heat

3 Bees in a tree

And a Morbidly Obese Chihuahua barking at them!

Obviously we all need more experience with this nature thing :p

The Perfect Trap...

Last week's post really got me thinking about Rachel and the example that both me and my husband give our kids.  I give myself a pass on a lot of things, chief among them grammar and spelling.  Those are often times the things I can justify not being perfect and just try my best.  The problem is that list is very small.  I never thought it was a bad thing but now my heart breaks when I see my children seem to naturally take after my husband and I.  

Rachel and Harm are driven more than most children I've known.  Harm didn't just want to learn and read picture books but he was determined to read Jr Novels; Rachel was told this month she needed to learn the splits so all month and even though it hurt she pushed herself (I told her not to worry) and can do the splits well.  It amazes me because as a child I didn't remember being that way.  It worries me though because if they are both determined to always be the best what will they do when perfection isn't obtained.  Will Rachel still love the joy of the dance even if she wobbles on a jump?  For it is that joy of just doing that makes life happy and worth living.

This is where I my spouse and I come in.  I see it easier with Chris (because it is always easier to see it in others than yourself), but when he started the company he told me once things settled it would get easier.  Than as success came the stress and preoccupation of needing to grow the business and continue to succeed grew.  Now with twenty employes and two cities the pressure to be perfect is constantly stalking day and night my husband's heart.

I'm not any better.  It isn't just the big things like my writing that consumes me but I will fret over my fresh blow out and consider skipping the pool when the kids want me to swim with them because I don't want to look funny later on in the day.  

I don't blame myself that my kids are mini-perfectionist because the fact is that if it was the case we wouldn't have cool as a cucumber Cally.  It is a drive deep in our hearts.  But I do believe by being easier on myself I will teach my kids that they need to be easier on themselves.  By trying even when I might fail and not missing out because I'm worried what others will think I will teach them not to worry in the same way.  

In life it doesn't matter if you are in the chorus or the prima ballerina, what matters is the joy of dancing,

Let's not compare!

As I mentioned in the post about soccer there are real drawbacks to having kids who are the same age and some huge joys!  The worse thing that I'm starting to encounter is the constant competition.  Harm is better at biking, Cally is better at soccer, Rachel kills it in her handstands and each of them knows how when they do something better how to rub it into the other's face.  I'm turning into my my hippy mother all over again trying to explain we are on Team Cakes and there are no winners or losers but honestly, I get it.  

You see I came from an blended home of 3 half and 3 full siblings and I'm the baby of all of us.  If you haven't noticed on this blog my sister is a total rockstar supermodel.  Growing my brother Louie was this cool football jock and my brother Paul was a local sportscaster and later hosted a show on HGTV.  My brother William was this amazing spray artist and my siblings John and Kim were the cool ones.  It sucked growing up and people telling me: well you know you are the smart one and Eliza is just so pretty.  It's bad enough when as kids we competed but it was always so much worse when other people would tell us, "why can't you be more like..."

That comes back to the babies.  Rachel has been standing out at gym and so has Harmon.  Callum, is awesome pawsome because he is to busy just being his wonderful self to care.  The problem arose because we attended a rival gym's "Parent's Night Out".  There Rachel really did some neat work on the bars and Harm just played (which is what this event was all about).  Well two coaches began to fixate on Rachel and her talent and it crushed Harmon.  When I came to pick them up the kids the two coaches swarmed me to show me all the things she could do, offer me books, etc.  Harm began to cry because he felt left out and not special.

In so many ways these two are like Peanut Butter and Jelly.  Harm started protecting his baby sister when she was just a baby.  I don't want either of them feeling bad or not as special and I don't want this turning into a huge nasty rivalry between them.  For that same reason it is needless to say I feel that way about Cally Jolly.  I can't put my babies in a bubble but the most I can do is try hard to let each of them know that each is very special in their own way!

Purim, Passover, and Easter

We had quite a few holidays come all at once.  This year we have been better at celebrating both the Jewish and Christian Holidays and with it some sweet memories have come from it that I would like to share.  The interesting thing was that each Holiday celebrates miracles.  It was a month and a half period to really reflect on my own faith and the miracles that happen daily in my own life.

PURIM

The kids celebrated the miracle of Purim by dressing up and we all went to the Chabad Center on a Passport to Purim party.  Rachel was Queen Esther Lalaloopsy, and the boys well they just had fun :)

PASSOVER

We don't have pictures of the Sader but we have pre-pictures.  This was our first Sader as a family and the first time Chris has attended one.  I will never forget when poor Rachey took the biggest possible bite of horse radish.  They did great but at the Chabad it lasted about 2.5 to 3 hours and thats hard on wee ones.  For me it was a very special night.  I hadn't done a Sader in years.  I forgot the joy of being together, sharing prayers, singing songs, etc. 

EASTER

Easter was a perfect way to end the end of the Holidays!  That day was Stake Confernece which is when several LDS Congregations meet together.  Afterward we had a great dinner where my family attended, and Chris' family made it for dessert.