Yesterday was the hardest day for me and my family I think. My mother has crashed twice. She is currently on the ventilator and we have resuscitated her heart. We made the choice that if she goes now, it's okay to let her go. To sign that paper and say those words was not only hard for me but truly heartbreaking for my father who has been married to her for forty-five years or so. We are also going to attempt to get her off of the ventilator.
If I think too much about what is going on I think I will just become a ball of mush. I don't think I can even start to cope with what it will like to not have her. I just can't imagine my life with out my buddy, my dear friend. Even now when I get sad or happy I reach to my phone and try to call her only to get her voicemail. Instead I'm trying to remain prayerful and I'm being there for her. I've been with her all night and morning and she has opened her eyes a bit and even yawned. She has let me know that she is still here with us. I don't know when that will change but to have my sweet friend open her eyes and to hold her hand is just a gift from God. Now it's up to her what will happen next.