Closing the door...

"When one door closes, another one always opens!"  My mother when I was a child would always tell me that in response to a disappointment in hopes for a milestone.  I always hated that when she would tell me that.  It almost felt as if she were mocking all the hopes and handwork I had put into a small dream.

This Friday I had to decline my spot at ASU.  The funding was moved up from 2014 to Fall 2013 and I had to make the decision to go now or close the door on this wonderful opportunity.  I made the choice to go but when it came down to it my babies don't just belong to me but to their father as well.  I had to choose between going and risking a custody battle or to stay and let my dream go.  It hurts.  This was the chance of a lifetime and I've been working towards this since I was born.  To know I was this close to making it but now I have to back down and walk away.

My dreams are beautiful but the fact is that my dreams were nothing compared to my love and responsibility of caring for my children.  So I just feel have to figure out where to take my life and where to go.  I need to step away from everything I think and rebuild my life from scratch.  This is going to be hard but I know that is will be better for me than if I was risking my kids.  Those three are are more precious than rubies  Now I need to dust myself off and create new dreams.


“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
Alexander Graham Bell, from brainyquote.com