In time and w/help this will get better but it is hard. Yesterday at the store he was having one of his total meltdowns. He was was punching and biting and screaming and pinching etc. I just couldn't get him to look at me and focus so he could calm down. That is when not one but 2 nice strangers came and rather than judge, offered to help me. With their help I was able to get him to calm down. Today he had another meltdown during swim class and again no one judged. The other parents offered me support as did the teachers.
It humbles me to see this. I think of all the times I've judged others and never considered helping instead and I know I need to be better in the future.