Hip Hip Hooray!

Rachel in her crib

Callum in his crib

The good news keeps coming. I can't believe what I was told today. Rachel might be home THIS weekend! Yup, THIS weekend!!! and little Callum might be home by say Friday. I can't believe it. It seems unreal. Both of them are eating and finally left the incubators. Each is holding their temperatures well and so now we are just waiting on weight. Rachel is 4 lbs and 5 oz and Callum is just about 4 lbs. They they need to be 4 lbs and 8 oz. Both are almost there!

In Harmon news he is doing well. We are taking him to the park a lot these days so he knows he is special. As I was holding his hand taking him into the daycare I just wanted to cry. I love this boy so much. I can't wait to have him at home with me!!! Something tells me he might be a handful but it will be so great :)

One month Birthdays!!!

Today the babies turned one month old. It was a very bittersweet day for me. In fact I feel very very melancholy because in many ways it is like I lost out on the first month. They still shouldn't be in this world and yet they have been through so much. I'm in awe of how strong they are and how hard they fight. With that said they are doing really really well. I can't believe our doctor gave us a goal date yesterday... October 15 (Callum might be a little behind). It seems unreal that they could be coming home so soon. Fingers are crossed!

Callum was beyond cute and funny today so he had an extra pic

On Harmon News:

He is doing good. I wish I had more time to be with him and hang out with him. everyone always says his life will never be the same after you take the twins home but the fact is his life would never be the same after July 7 when I went into the hospital. Since than he went from Gualita to Gma to daycare and back and forth. This weekend we took him to a corn maze and he hung out in the pouch he hung in every day until he learned to walk. It reminded me he was still a baby. I wish I could show him unlimited love and time but in a way that time is gone BUT in it's place he has two wonderful siblings who will hopefully be his best friends. Life is about change and no matter how I wish I could shelter him really all I can do is love him.

4 amazing weeks!

Can you believe it has been only 4 wks since I gave birth. I still think I am a little traumatized by all that happened that day but when I take a step back and realize how miraculous this time has been I am humbled.

4 wks ago Rachel wouldn't even cry and was on a respirator. Callum was so small that his chest sunk in each time his little body took a breath. Today both are off of the warmers and learning to eat from bottles. Rumor has it we might even leave in 2 wks or so. I just can't express how grateful I am for this.

Oh and here is a picture of Callum all handsome in his normal clothing.

He now bottle feeds 2x a day and Rachel 3x a day. We have to get them up to 12 feeds a day and a little more weight to send them home. Keep your fingers crossed!

Sunshine shining w/personality!

I never met a baby with more personality than my son Harmon. Because he was a high risk pregnancy we had to do weekly ultrasounds and often he would stick out his tounge and put his hands next to his head as if it was to tell us "nah nah na nah nah" That should have been a hint what I was up for. This boy is all boy. He smiles like no baby I've ever met and he is always into trouble, this morning he opened his sippy cup and dumped it on his new fresh out fit (see pic below).

So that brings me to the cupcakes. In the womb it was Rachel who was causing the problems trying to slip out but it was Callum who was always kicking and causing commotion. I think Rachel wanted out so she could just rest. Callum is now already proving to be one determined, curious, little man! The nurse said he can already roll himself over from his tummy to back and lest we forget he was the one who when first born cried and tore out his breathing tubes. He is growing like a weed and catching up with Rachel. Most of all though when he is awake he is never happy to just lay there, he looks everywhere (see pic below) and explores the world. I love holding him b/c he is just so animated. Something tells me Callum will never be happy staying still.

Than there is my princess (seen below in her ballerina sleeper). She reminds me of a porcelain doll. Very docile compared to her brother and very laid back. In a way bonding has been hard until now (we started bottle feeding her and she is more awake) b/c it has been like watching this little doll in glass display box. I wonder most often what she will grow up to be like. I see my boys being like their father: loving, energetic, strong, etc. but I dunno if Rachel will be like me. Something says she will be her own little lady (hopefully not as strong willed and stubborn as her mom) and it makes me excited to get to know her better.

Girls rule and boys drool...

Being a proud mom of boys I always would have adamantly argued the opposite but lately Rachel has been sticking it to her brother Callum when it comes to progress these past few days. She learned to hold her own temperature, off of the incubator, and is now looking all snazzy in real clothing (can you believe how she just swims in tiny premie clothing?) More over she is starting to eat out of a bottle! The one thing slowing her down is she has her mother's anemia :( She might need a blood transfusion on Thursday... we are just waiting to see right now. But even if that happens that shouldn't slow down her progress!

While Callum may not be having such obvious milestones my littlest man is no slouch either!!! He finally has exceeded his birth weight. He is well on his way to joining his sister (he probably would be leading but she stole all the food in the womb). His blood levels are doing great and he has had no setbacks at all. We are just waiting for weight on him. I know one day he will be this tall football player so I try not to worry about him now. He really is doing great!

And of course not to be forgotten is my little Harmon. He is doing great. He takes it hard that he has to go to daycare part of the day. If it were not for Grandma Lisa helping out during the day and Gualita Carmen putting in time in the evening I don't know what we would do. He is such a sweet boy with such a great heart. All he ever wants to do is cuddle with Chris and I. He is such the love bug! He also is making some progress. As some of you might know he has a serious lack or want of speech but he is starting to verbalize a little. He always makes me so proud!

Grandparents visiting...

Grandma Lisa holding Rachel

Gualita Carmen and Daddy watching Callum

Gualita Carmen holding Rachel

We always say our Grandma's are the MVP's these days and they are. I just can't be in 2 places at once so the Grandma's help with Harmon so I can spend some worry free time watching the cupcakes. B/c of this they don't get a chance to see the cupcakes as often but for the last couple of weeks both G'ma and G'pa Hakes made it (and even brought Josh, Melissa, Troy, and Hailey last week) to visit the cupcakes. While Mom Z made it out to visit last week as well. Each time has been special. These kids might not realize how important these ladies will be in their lives but one day they will, they are both angels!

Waiting for Weight...

Holding Callum

So this is the low down. Rachel is at 1515 grams while Callum 1360. In order for them to start bottle feeding they need to be 1600 grams and in order for them to start maintaining their temperatures they need to be 1800 grams. So now we just wait patiently and we will go from there. Until they hit the 1800 we really can't guess how long they will be there.

We can't complain b/c they are doing amazingly well. They breathe on their own and they are eating full feeds through the tube. I just wish I could just take them home but they are still too small.

Going well...

Daddy holding Rachel for the first time

Harm didn't want to wait for a bath!

This was a neat weekend. Everything went well. Harmon is back to his old self. The babies are eating more and Callum is almost off his IV's. Chris held Rachel for the first time and Grandpa and Grandma H came to see them. We still have a long road ahead but weekends like this give us hope perhaps it isn't that long.

I've got 3 kids...

and I've no idea how to balance things. I get advice that is always contradictory... "Harmon needs you" or "Harmon is fine your babies need you". I think in my heart I know they all need me and it makes it difficult b/c I can't be there for everyone.

Last night I went to the hospital late at night b/c I just knew something was off. It wasn't a serious deal but it was important I was there. The nurses had gotten a different protocol than our doctor had said. I raised some cane and rushed home in the rain. When I got home late Harmon was inconsolable. Thank Heavens for Daddy who was there to comfort him. I felt almost defeated.

I miss the days Harmon and I would run around town having lunch and getting work done. I miss just being at home with him. I worry how this affects him. Stability at this age is so important.

I envy the women who are there in the NICU for hours a day just watching their angels sleep. I wish I never left them. My heart breaks every time I leave them.

For our family and friends who have been there I can not tell you how much your help has meant to us. For those who have prayed for us and sent well wishes thank you. We simply can't do this all on our own. I don't know how we are going to do all this but I do know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

That was a bummer!

This morning Chris and I went to the doctor for my 2 wk check up. We were so excited b/c we found out that the twins were moved from Level 3 to Level 2! We got there and it was great. We all felt they were so much closer to coming home one day soon. Than the doctor showed up and said it was a mistake and they need to be in Level 3... so back they are going. I know one day they will be ready, it just sucks that it seemed so much closer a few hours ago. They are still making forward progress and I just need to remember that is what matters.

Forward and backwards but still making progress...

Rachel looking all cute

Holding my Callum

Things with the babies I think are going really well.  We have setbacks but it is to be expected.  For the great news: the magnesium is almost gone and they are breathing on their own w/no help!!!!   Unfortunately their jaundice is back but that is treatable.   

It was weird b/c I think I am overwhelmed sometimes by how delicate they are but they really are troopers.  Sometimes I will change a diaper and an alarm goes up and I start thinking the worse.  Today I was holding Rachel her heart started racing and her eyes unfocused so I started yelling for help.  She was just trying to burp b/c she had gas :p  It is hard to be calm and confident but I need to be.  These kids are fighters and in my heart I know they will be okay.

Quick good news...

We got a new doctor today. The best neo-natologist in El Paso is on the case. He is attacking the magnesium full force and hopefully the twins level will finally go down. Furthermore he started their feedings again. I will have more news tomorrow on how they are tolerating and doing but for now I am very cautiously optimistic that we are getting back on track.

One step forward and one step back...

Rachel Peacefully sleeping in Pink socks given by Aunt Melissa and Uncle Josh

The good news is they are both doing better on their breathing. Chances are they will be off their nasal canulas in the next few days. That is very exciting b/c breathing tends to be a big issue with premies. Also they are for one day off the Jaundice lights. It was nice to see their eyes and they looked much more comfortable.

Callum peacefully sleeping also in cute socks

You know ever since the beginning they have been telling me that I need to prepare myself for setbacks. You can prepare yourself but for me at least that does no good. Yesterday Callum had blood in his tummy from what the nurse suspected was just blood from his nose that was swallowed so I didn't think much of any of this. Today though both babies had their feedings stopped. It seems there is still way too much Magnesium in their systems and the doctor is concerned. There is a chance that I have Mag still and my breast milk is bad. Tomorrow we will know more from the doctors. They said don't worry but I am worried. They are so small. They need to be eating and gaining weight. Hopefully soon they will be back on track with all of this.

Harmon playing in the new chair (brought to us by G'ma & G'pa H)

Harmon is doing good. We tried staying at a hotel this Friday but that was a disaster. He hated being away from his home (probably b/c he had been away for such a long time). He woke up every hour freaked out. So for now we have decided it is best to stay in Las Cruces and visit the twins each day in El Paso at least twice. It is a balancing act but I think it is a good thing to help make sure Harm is adjusting back home.

Huge Milestones!

Holding Rachel and the first time I got to see her with her eyes open. Below Rachel is bemoaning her bad hair day.

I just had to do a quick update tonight. I can't really express how happy I am and how blessed we are. Today both kids were eating, both were off the the CPAP and onto small nasal canulas, and both were moved to more comfortable incubators. They told me it would be a long time before this these milestones were going to happen but they are beating every single prediction! I am truly in awe of these two.

Finally my twins are back together! Grandma is admiring Callum below.

I also had a special day with Harmon. He came and sat by me tonight on the couch. He hasn't wanted to sit next to me a lot since we came home. I think it shows how well he is starting to adjust. He has been smiling and playing the whole night.

First touches...

Callum sleeping with his boot in the air like he just don't care!

Rachel all tuckered out too.

Yesterday was probably one of the toughest days of my life. After having lived in a hospital for 2 months you think I would be just overjoyed to be home. I wasn't. I don't think any mother could be happy leaving two of her babies in the hospital. You feel like there is a big empty hole there. It doesn't help I have to pump every few hours. It just doesn't seem right trying to nurse babies you can't actually nurse. Add in that my feet look like elephant hoofs b/c of swelling... it was hard to put on that smile.

But smiling is something you do when you have a child at home. Harmon was just ecstatic to be home! That helped. Seeing him playing with his toys and play with Daddy made things bearable. I really have missed this little guy so much. It is good to see him; he is such a joy. Today was made better b/c Harmon is so cute. When we dropped him off at Grandma's to see the twins he was adorable sitting by the front window waiting for us to come back and take us home. That little guy amazes me how forgiving he has been to us for not being here like we were.

Another joy was the twins. Chris and I both got to hold Callum and Rachel for the first time ever. I remember when I got to the NICU today she asked me if I was ready to hold Rachel. I was so scared b/c she is so small and hooked up to all of this equipment. At first she cried and fussed but after a minute she calmed and just fell asleep. It was just awesome to finally hold her for the first time. Chris was jealous when I told him on the phone I had held her but he got his turn when we returned back this evening. This time he held little Callum and I think he was as nervous as I was holding Rachel; but just like last time he calmed in Chris' arms. It is so wierd what we take for granted. Holding your own children is such a gift.

Daddy holding his boy for the first time.

For milestones they are doing great. Both are on the CPAP and have had their umbilical lines taken out. Callum had his first feeds today. It was 1 ml but to him that was a lot. Rachel will hopefully start eating soon as well. Physically I think I might be overdoing things a little. I need to rest a little more but that is hard to do when you have 3 kids ;)