Rough Recovery

Well I apologize I've not blogged in quite sometime. Today really is my first time on the computer in a week. I think I under-estimated how difficult this would be. I spend my days doing Physical Therapy, sleeping, watching TV, and enjoying my Percocet. My favorite thing about recovery though is snuggling with my babies. I can't really care for them but I do love holding and snuggling them. I appreciate all the little things they do. Chris is amazing. I make jokes about it but he really is SUPER HUSBAND!!!! He took last week off of work and cared for me and the babies so well. We have grown so much closer through all of this. They say recovery will take 6-8 wks but hopefully I am through the worse at this point.

Updates...

Well this post is updating all those other posts I've recently made about all of the changes going on in our lives.

Mom Car we got a Honda Pilot and it is ubber cute. I don't feel like I am driving a mom car... WOHOO!

Moving is still on the horizon but we will stay in Las Cruces (sorry wonderful SLC area friends). We will likely put the house up for sale around February and go from there. We recently met our neighbors and they are so awesome. Makes me want to stay in our house. We will see what happens.

Surgery on my hip is scheduled for Friday. I won't lie, I am very scared and sad. Mainly sad about leaving all my chickens all over again. I've never been separated but a few hours from the cupcakes. Harmon is really still recovering after his ordeal of this Summer. This is going to be hard and the recovery will be really hard. It is just about having faith that this is what is needed and is right. Hopefully in the long run we will be grateful we did it.

So those are our updates: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

A Sweet Pea and a Sweet Swine...

I always am asked what raising twins is like and I can proudly say it isn't that bad at all. Granted I might eat my words when they start crawling but they are really good babies. Rachel's nickname is Sweet Pea and she is just so full of personality. Sometimes we can spend 10 or 15 minutes just smiling and cooing at one another. I love Callum's nick name is Pig and I mean that with all affection. He has a healthy appetite! Seriously though he has just the sweetest spirit ever. He is a gentle soul whom has stolen my heart!



I might be going into surgery soon and what worries me the most is how I can be separated from these two and the wonderfully amazing Harmon Hakes. I worry Harmon will miss me so much and I worry the twins won't even noticed I am gone :( I don't know what would be worse. I am doing this surgery for them but I still can't imagine 4 to 5 full days away from my angels =..(

The battlefront is changing!

So after what has been increasingly destructive horrid toddler behavior that has seemed unstoppable we are finally starting to win the war!!!! I don't know why as a mom I couldn't come up with it earlier but the early intervention counselor told us to increase our positive reinforcement and TA-DA like magic Harmon is really trying to please us. Don't get me wrong he still isn't ready for crowded events but if he is in a calm environment he really responds great to directions. Heck even church wasn't our normal battle of will that it usually ends up being. Ahh, it is so nice to have a little peace in the home :)

I really love Harmon so much. I hope he knows that. This little boy has a smile that could light up the darkest of hearts. He just has hit the Terrible Twos (a little early) and I need to have more patience I am realizing!

Bah Humbug!

So Harmon has decided Christmas is not going to come easily in this home. I knew he would be a monster to start with so I didn't get our usual beautiful live tree and take out the glass ornaments. He loves plugging in and unplugging the tree and than unraveling the beads. I miss my pretty tree but sure am glad I didn't go out all out this year!

The boy is out of control!

Whoever thought kabobs was a good idea never had a toddler who likes to play with sticks!

I think I need to confess something: I have THAT kid! You know that out of control one screaming, running around, and throwing tantrums. It is funny b/c the odds of keeping him controlled in a nice quiet restaurant are about a 100x better than getting him to behave in a Peter Piper. As I've mentioned he has something called Sensory Integration which means if he is in a situation where the senses are overly simulated than he goes NUTS.

So tonight we had a very frustrating night going to our church's Christmas Party. He was chasing kids with sticks, stealing little kids cookies, grabbing the head dresses off the Wise-man, and basically TORTURING his parents. We had to take him out into the hall for the entire nativity presentation. I'm exhausted. I am wondering what I will do if all 3 of these kids has the same condition. We have multiple Early Intervention specialists helping us but I just don't know when this is going to get better.

Harmon with his own cookie right before he attempted to steal another one from a little girl :p

Overwhelming Changes...

I think I could have been fine if we had skipped this week.

If there is one sure thing about life, that is that there is always change. If there is one sure thing about my life, there is always CONSTANT OVERWHELMING change.

This past Wednesday I went to the doctors and they he was very honest. My hip is irreparably damaged and needs to be replaced. I can either do it now or wait until finally I can't handle the pain any more. I look at my 3 kids and I know I owe it to them to get this done soon. I already miss out on so much with Harmon b/c I can't keep up with him. I can't imagine not being able to be there for the twins too. I am sick of being the one to sit at home while everyone takes a fun nature walk. So I'm working up the courage to do this. It looks like we will either do it at Christmas week or perhaps a little later. But it is coming.

In other news it looks as if we are selling our house. I can't explain why but both Chris and I had an overwhelming feeling that this is something we should do. It was weird b/c he called me earlier this morning asking me if we should. I brushed it off but than later some people came by and said they were building on the lot next to us (which will obstruct our view of the mountains) and I just had that feeling that this is something we need to do. So it looks like we might be selling our home (I still think we haven't decided). I'm excited in a way but sentimental about leaving.

First baths...

So when we brought the cupcakes home they were so tiny we just gave them little sponge baths. It hit us though that these little guys are not that little any more and they are starting to smell a little b/c we are not bathing them fully. Think spoiled parmesean cheese caused by milk spilling into the gaps of skin under the cheeks. So today they took their first baths.

Callum happily chilling in the water!

Rachel was not amused

So the baths went okay. Rachel wasn't amused at all by the bath and in revenge peed on us when we took her out. Callum on the other hand was happily in heaven. So now we have two sweet smelling cupcakes. Wohoo!

Christmas in Cruces...

Tonight was such a special night. We took the car and we drove to our old neighborhood where there is a special house that has 65,000 choreographed to their own radio station that you can pick up in your car (check out the website: http://www.christmasincruces.com/ it is really cool).

The Christmas House

So we watched the house, drank hot chocolate, and than it began to snow. The twins were napping and Harmon was enamored by the lights. Could life be any more perfect than that?

Our house in the snow

Groundhog Day...

Recently I asked a close friend how her job was going and she exclaimed it was like "Groundhog Day" the movie. Today it dawned on me, my life is Groundhog day.

I wake up, pump, eat breakfast, greet the nanny, dress and feed the kids, do some work, pump some more, feed the kids again, play with Harmon before he goes down for a nap, do some more work or just fiddle on the computer, play with the twins, feed the twins, pump, play with Harmon, and than Dad gets home. I do this every single week day. Very little changes. I feel like Bill Murry.

My cute co-stars

What a holiday!

Thanksgiving went really well all in all but I am tired. We got to see Aunt Eliza, go to Peter Piper, and the Longhorns beat A&M. Perhaps the most memorable moment of the holiday was having my brother's dog pee on Rachel...

The ladies meeting the twins!

Beyond Thankful this Thanksgiving...

For those of you who don't know I often visit a website known as the Bump and talk with other moms. Many of these ladies have been a wonderful support to me. Anyway, today I was on and another mom told us how she lost her toddler to freak illness yesterday. My heart broke for her even though I have never met her. My instinct was to hug my children tighter and never let go. So tonight is Thanksgiving eve and all I can think about is how grateful I am for my family. It is crazy what we take for granted.

My blessings!

Mommy Mobile Time :(

When I think of myself I see a young women, I don't really see myself as a mom. I am a mom and I love being a mom but in my mind Moms are someone else. Like my mom. So now I have 3 kids and suddenly my adorable little crossover is too small for our family. So Chris' family is offering us a possible trade: their suburban for our Kia.

It is nice vehicle but I feel so um.... well... mom like! I dunno for sure if the deal will go through or not (Mom Hakes has similar trepidation about moving to smaller vehicle) but the day of reckoning is upon us... if not this than soon we will need a mini-van or similar large vehicle. It is silly but suddenly, tonight, I feel older. I guess that is life.

Prematurity Awareness day!

Almost 3 months ago my babies came into the the world like this.

Callum above, Rachel is below

And now they look like this!

The fact is that with out great medical care my babies would never have made it. Today is Premature Baby Awareness day. In Las Cruces where I live there are no facilities to help moms with premies. You have to drive hours away to Albuquerque or go to El Paso which is also an hour away (which is where we were). There is lots to be done in order to help parents of premature infants. Please donate to the March of Dimes to help improve facilities and education nation wide! Every little bit helps, especially for these little guys.

Romantic getaway...

When you have 3 under 2 getting away for a little romance is quite a challenge. This weekend though Mom Hakes was kind enough to take the twins and we got a sitter for Harmon for like 4 hours so that we could take a quick drive up to the mountains. What a beautiful drive it was. By the time we got there we only had an hour or so to enjoy Cloudcroft so we ate lunch by a warm fire, walked some shops, looked at some cabins, and bought some sweet treats before we had to drive back to reality. What a fun day it was... if only we could have had a little more time.

Our little spaz boy...

Harmon has always been a character. When he was less than a month he learned to roll over... right off the couch. I think that is when I learned I would have to be a mom who was 100% on guard at all times. Besides being a little hyperactive I didn't notice anything was wrong until he was about a year. By that point I realized he was no where close to talking and hated eating regular foods. He was was in the 98th percentile for height and in the 30% for weight. He didn't do much babbling and paid no attention to us when we would try to address him.

So we did testing at 15 mos and he started speech therapy. Recently though a counselor came to our house and put together everything: lack of speech, lack of focus on us, hating food, easily bored, very spastic, etc. and had Harmon tested for Sensory Integration. This means he is sensory sensitive and takes in sights and sounds and feeling and tasting different than "normal" kids. It does not mean he has autism, hearing problems, or anything else bad. It just is a different way of experiencing the world.

Now our little one will be starting Occupational Therapy in addition to his speech therapy. They want to help him connect the dots. Learn to sit still a little more, experience new foods (besides pizza, french fries, and macaroni), help him focus, etc. We are really excited. Harmon is such a smart little bright kid. This will hopefully get him on the right track so by the time he starts school he will be caught up to his peers.

Our little superstars...

Today the twins has their 2 mos Pediatric appt.  They are doing just beautifully.  Rachel is completely where she should be milestone wise for a regular 2 mos old baby not a premature baby and Callum is not far behind.  Callum on the other hand is doing great weight wise coming in on 8 lbs and finally getting on the growth charts.  Rachel is not far behind at 7 lbs!  This is such a miracle and we are really very lucky.  

Scrounging for dinner...

Quick funny story. Tonight Chris wanted me to have some time to myself so I told him this evening I was locking the bathroom door and taking a nice long bubble bath and than doing some pampering. Well I come out an hour and a half later. Harmon has taken his baby bag down from the counter and is eating a mad array of fruit snacks, goldfish, and Ritz Crackers. Chris is desperately trying to feed two very hungry and angry twins. I ask him "sweetie, do you know what Harmon is doing?" and the response is "yeah, I forgot to make him dinner so he probably hungry." So it is official: at age 21 mos Harmon can fend for himself :p

Today they were blessed

Today the little babies were blessed in the church. Since we don't do baptisms until children are age 8, the fathers give their babies special blessings instead. Chris was soooo nervous to give not one but two of these blessings but he did a great job. It was lovely. Afterward, we had a reception at our home where many friends and family gathered together to celebrate the new babies. It was a a beautiful day!

Our first family outing!

Today we went to the Renaissance Festival for just a short while. This was our first family outing. It was funny b/c we are technically on "lockdown" until the end of April so that meant Harmon had to stay in his stroller and I was more than ready to deck anyone who came too close to the little ones. I think it all went well though. We avoided germs, fed ducks, ate Bratwursts, watched jousting, and had a ye ole merry time. I was sad this was our first Renaissance Faire where I didn't dress up, but next year promises to be way cute with two merry men and a fair princess!

Baby Shower!

Today my friends Sarah and Laurie threw me the most wonderful shower for the cupcakes! So many good friends and new friends came to celebrate and many others came in spirit. The food was wonderful and the gifts were beyond generous. I feel so blessed that so many people care for our little ones and us so much.

Sooooo tired....

Oh man can I just say I am soooo tired these days. I love my kids but they don't understand one bit how tired I am. Chris is tired too. Is it Friday yet?

Halloween fun!

Halloween was saddened by the passing of Chris' Aunt. So wehad and edited dual celebration. Yesterday we went to a Trunk or Treat at the Early Childhood Center Harmon receives his speech therapy at. Harmon was so cute with his little baggy and it was fun to dress up. We were all cats (except Daddy Dracula).

After wards my family came over for dinner. My parents actually cooked a whole big meal and drove it the hour it takes to get to our house. It was a lot of fun and afterward my mom stayed with us the night since Chris needed to go to Phoenix. We did all these old traditions like watching the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown and I took Harmon Trick or Treating. Unfortunately there was no one who had candy in our neighborhood BUT fortunately Harmon was too young to notice he was getting robbed :)

Now we are nearing on mid-night and Daddy is safely home from Pheonix and Harmon is hyped up on chocolate. I dunno if we will be getting him to bed anytime soon.

Our twins are 2 months {well sort of)!

This week my little babies turned 2 mos. They are getting so big. In fact they just outgrew their premie clothes! There is something called adjusted age which means they really are as old as their due date. Their due date was October 25 so they are really just NB babies as per size and development. I guess they are really just little old babies.

3 kids in 3 years :p

This week has been a busy week. This is part of the reason I've not blogged in a while. Tuesday was our 3 yr anniversary! For those who don't know our story when I met Chris the last thing I was thinking is that I would be with that man for the rest of eternity. He was Mr. Cool with an ego and attitude the size of Texas (totally not my type I thought). I was Ms. Independent looking forward to moving and happily enjoying the single life. We had a LOT of fun together those first couple dates and even though we thought the other was totally not our type we continued to go out. One day I think it dawned on both of us that we were very much in love. It was weird b/c I always thought it would be a fairy tale moment but instead it was the slow realization that I wanted to keep being around this man. That he was a good, kind, fun loving, human who I didn't want to be separated from. If you ask Chris I was this quirky, opinionated good hearted, person whom he didn't want to be without. So we got married. Neither of us are perfect and we drive each other crazy BUT I can easily say we are madly in love with each other.




It is so funny b/c when we got engaged we knew we wanted children right away. So after we got married I started doing all the charting and stuff and realized I had infertility. I have a form of infertility known as anovulatory cycles. This means I don't ovulate on my own. I am really fortunate that I got such a clear and easily treatable diagnoses quickly. Each time we tried to conceive we only had to wait roughly 9 months. Many women I know go much longer trying... sometimes years. It makes me realize two things:

1. Is that we are beyond blessed. Anyone who is fortunate enough to get pregnant and have a child needs to realize there is no greater miracle. Enjoy every moment b/c it will go by too quickly!
2. There are so many who struggle with this. Be mindful if you know someone. Support them every way possible and be aware that talking about your own kids and/or pregnancies can be painful to others with infertility or those suffering miscarriages. Let them take the lead in conversations

I am so grateful for everything I have! I never planned on all of this but I couldn't be more blessed. It going through mild infertility, premature babies, and post-partum depression that help me realize even more how lucky I am.

Mommy "NO!" :)

Since I wrote my miserable commentary the other day things have been getting a little better around the Hakes home. We have a wonderful nanny who comes in every morning and just helps me out until noon. She takes Harmon on long walks and plays with him in the back yard. This has really helped b/c this was the special attention I always gave Harmon before I was hospitalized. Harmon still wants to be the baby... he sneaks into the crib and sits in his old car seat every chance he gets BUT he is learning to be gentle and like his new siblings.

Today has been the best day though! Today Harmon learned the word "NO!" For those who know Harmon know he is a very very bright boy but doesn't say a word. He has been in speech therapy for a while now but it hasn't produced a lot of results. Today though he started answering my questions and comments.

• Harmon say goodbye to Miriam (our nanny who he loves and hates when she leaves)... "NO".
  
• Harmon would you like to take a nap? "No" and than he ran away from me :p

Most moms would hate their toddler mouthing off but for me it is better than Christmas! For so long we have communicated through sign and telepathy but now knowing he is learning how to talk... that just makes everything happier today!

As for the cupcakes they are doing great. Rachel has a bit of colic but I think she will be okay. I'm hoping we will be able to get off the special formula real soon since they are gaining weight so well. Also hopefully it will be gentler on her tummy.

Callum is the pimp daddy of the group. He is very well behaved and just eats, sleeps, and plays. He is starting to remind me of his cousin Troy with the chubby little cheeks. Rachel is just our little string bean still... hopefully she will fatten up soon. Right now she has the most gorgeous blue eyes and when she is happy she has the prettiest little smile. No doubt about it... I've got 3 very different but VERY cute little kids ;)

Halloween Preview...

Okay so our Halloween dry run might not have gone as well as hoped (Harmon hates his mane and the twins are WAY too small for their costumes) but I don't care b/c everyone is sooo stinking cute! Here is our cat family...

Our fearsome tiger and beautiful Cheetah

Than we have the KING of the jungle

And all the fearsome cats together

Long days...

When I was in the hospital I managed my time by tv and trying to get through the day until Chris came bye. It was hard b/c I was so used to being on the go but than all of sudden I was just STUCK and couldn't be working or out just moving around.

In a strange way this is similar. The babies are ALL napping and so here I am on the computer bored out of my mind with no idea what to do. Perhaps I will start a crafts project soon or something... I dunno. I need to do something. I've been dealing with a bit of Post-Partum depression or Post-Traumatic Stress disorder (which is very common when you have spent a long time in the NICU and hospital). Now being stuck at home is making things harder and doing very limited work (I used to be a marketing for Chris' company but now I only do a project here and there with the advertisements) makes it even tougher.

It doesn't help that right now we have to be on guard with H1N1 and RSV. B/c the babies are premature any exposure to these illnesses could mean hospitalization. I never thought I would be scared to death of germs but knowing the consequences makes these risks too serious to ignore. We have been counseled to avoid stores, church, and even the park is risky.

Oh well this is just my whining. I know I should be grateful the babies are doing so well (and they are). Some days it is hard though. Those are those long days... like today and probably tomorrow...

No more pictures!

So today we did our family pictures and I don't think we will be doing this again... for a VERY VERY long time. HOLY MOLY CANNOLI that was an ordeal. First we were 15 mins late and so they gave our appt away so that meant our not so patient tot had a good 30 extra minutes to get wound up. He would not sit still and his pictures came out a little odd. My favorite was this one. I dub it "EVIL Harmon"

The twins did good except when one was up the other was up the other was asleep.


We still got some amazing photos though like this:

To see more of the pictures see our main blog: link

Twins by the numbers

Ever wonder how much stuff twins use? I never could have guessed until now!

We go through the following:

• A package of diapers in little over a day
• 16 bottles a day
• 14 bibs a day
• 4 receiving blankets a day
  
• 6 onesies a day
• 1 can of formula every 3 days

And this is just the beginning! Good thing we a great washing machine!

My little Cupcakes at home...

Callum is such a sweet little man. I call him my "alien" b/c of how he looked when he first got here and how he has his BEAUTIFUL dark eyes that look everywhere taking in the world. He will be a very smart little boy one day! He is so observant and so sweet. When he cries he cries like a little Billy Goat, just like Harmon did.

Rachel is so sweet and beautiful. Her nick name is Sweet Pea and she is just precious. She is also more strong willed though than Callum. When she wants something she wants it RIGHT AWAY. She is going to be a tough strong chick just like her mommy one day :)