Well today was the first day of school. I would write more but honestly I'm just wasted. We had an event tonight and afterward Chris and I just cuddled. It seems like our life went from this stable drive to warp speed. It didn't feel real at all when Chris put the kids in the car and left. Miriam didn't come till later and that was that.
It was a day I looked forward to so much and yet as I sat at my computer to work, my heart just broke. It was just quiet and lonely. I cried a little. I go back and forth between loving and hating this. Part of me wants is like: WOHOO!!!!! And part of me is like: where are my babies??? I just hate to admit it but gee change is really difficult for me. This year they are all 1/2 day. I could do full day but I'm not ready for that. I would rather sit and moan how hard it is to balance everything and still have them at my computer saying: "mom, mom, momma, mommy, mummy... what are you doing?" than have too much silence.
As per the kids they did well but it wasn't easy. Harm misses the small quiet class he was in with special education. Some of the boys were a little mean to him :( He is not used to not being the cool kid. Fortunately a friend's child who knows Harm at church stood up for him. I was grateful for that. I worry how he will do but I know this is a good step forward. He is a smart great kid. I know he will do this and do great.
Rachel is in the Rachel world. Rachel world is a good happy place I'm learning. She didn't really play with other kids but she was just so very happy. I saw her first and she was playing with a toy kitchen. She saw me and her little eyes just lit up: "Mommy I missed you so much, I love you!" She jumped into my arms and than said: "I love school, I made you dinner." I'm excited for her b/c she is going to finally get girlfriends (besides Miriam and I). She is going to have fun finding a friend who finally wants to play dolls :)
Cally was my big heartbreak of the day. He had tears in his eyes when I came in. It seems like his brother was picking on him a little (at the end of the day they do recess together). I guess if Harm is his worse problem he will do fine. He was the most tired. I feel like I just want to take him home and keep him with me. I asked him: did you make friends, and he responded: "no, no I didn't!" Later on though he told me how happy he was b/c he can do anything now, he is a big boy.
He is a big boy and they are big kids. Monday Harm got his fingerprints on our car when he had suncreen on it. I could have been angry but I realize they will wash off and man he is so just a great kid. Perhaps in this situation it is Mommy and Daddy who need to be big and let their kids fly a little. I will always think of the old poem on these days:
Sometimes you get discouraged
Because I am so small
And always leave my fingerprints
On furniture and walls
But every day I'm growing --
I'll be grown some day
And all those tiny handprints
Will surely fade away
So here's a little handprint
Just so you can recall
Exactly how my fingers looked
When I was very small
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