Closing doors and new directions :)

]Today I got sad news that I would not be able to a few things that has given me joy for a while. It was a very big kick in the gut. Realistically I knew I would have to close the doors on certain things for a while in my life. I knew I would have to make hard choices but some of the choices got made for me and it was a kick in the gut. I wanted to be able to make the choice but considering circumstances I understand. It hurts still though.

In that sense I found out some good news as well. My kids were able to sneak into a tumble tots class and their cousin Troy is there with my wonderful Sister-In-Law Melissa. I got to eat lunch with my twins (Harm was at school) and Miriam, our nanny. We all just talked and laughed. She knew I was down but very supportive. It inspired me.

I've been taking classes for fun and it is fun! I write and hang out with theater geeks and English geeks; LIKE ME! I figured after the accident I would withdraw b/c there is too much on my plate but I hadn't done it yet. I went to my classes tonight and it was so much fun. I got my mind off the pain of the injuries, the stress of everything else, and just enjoyed being back. I felt empowered rather than just sitting around getting bad news, hearing how bad I look, and being in pain. The professors want to work with me which is so nice. It makes me wonder now that I will have more time after rehabilitation where to go and what to do..

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Anyone who reads this blog probably has seen how I've been dipping in and out of changing things in my life. I start remolding things but get scared or feel guilted and go back to what pleases others and I know works. With the accident things have changed and I can't go back. I need to move forward. I've got great kids and I know that I'm not just doing this for me but for them as well. It is a lot to take in but I've got support and I'm not as scared anymore as I was. I feel determined that as I recover that I use this experience for good. Things happen for a reason and while I don't know the reason any person would have to fly off the freeway I'm hoping in time I can use what has happened and what I have lost as a spring point for new beginnings and a better life than perhaps I was settling for before the drama.