Don't underestimate the Little Man!

Callum isn't our middle child technically but let's be honest he sort of has that label.  On one bookend I have crazy Harm who is the family scholar and avid sportsman.  Than we have Rachel our amazingly strong gymnast and dancer.  Both at a young age have received recognition and I'm always proud of them.  Callum I've always appreciated his sweet gentle loving fun spirit he brings to every single person and everything he does.  I'm always proud of him just as much!!!!

Now this Summer something special happened.  David (the destroyer) who is Harm and Cally's much treasured hero and teacher pulled me aside.   He told me what a delight Callum is in his class and how his maturity is way beyond any of his peers.  That through his hard work he has gained some serious strength and will be promoted to the same special private class Harm did before he joined team track this semester.

I'm so proud of Callum and humbled how his light shines so brightly.  Not only does he have talents like soccer and now gym but he has a heart of peace and goodness that shines brighter than just his talents.

Sleeping Kitty...

Last month I spoke about starting a new method of treatment that was making me sick.  The treatment is methotrexate, a form of chemotherapy.  While I've been on it in the past it has never been dosed like it has recently.  The usual for me has been 4 pills once per week.  Now it is 14, which is very very strong and the max pill dose.  Next week they are likely going to start injections because I'm on the max pill dose.

So it sucks but I'm doing better with it.  The trick is sleeping.  I sleep now the same amount, if not more than my babies averaging ten to eleven hours a day.  This of course is really halting me with some of the things I'm doing.  I've been doing marketing projects from home but for now that is dead in the water.  I'm going instead try and just focus only on my masters and my kids.  It's a step back for me but the more I rest the more I'm me when it comes to my waking hours.  My kids are getting the best of me, my husband is, my friends are, and my writing is.  

I just try to remember a scripture in our church that says: be still and know that I am God.  I hate being still but The Lord is teaching me a lesson and I'm getting it.  The kids and I are having our best Summer ever and I know that once the progress of my disease is stymied it will pass, but hopefully I won't forget the lessons I'm learning.

Here are the lyrics of a nice song initially found in the Lutheren Hymn book which reminds me of these principles.

"Be Still, My Soul"
by Catharina von Schlegel, 1697-?
Translated by Jane Borthwick, 1813-1897

1. Be still, my soul; the Lord is on thy side;
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul; thy best, thy heavenly, Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

2. Be still, my soul; thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence, let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul; the waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

3. Be still, my soul, though dearest friends depart
And all is darkened in the vale of tears;
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrows and thy fears.
Be still, my soul; thy Jesus can repay
From His own fulness all He takes away.

4. Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

Hymn #651 
The Lutheran Hymnal
Text: Psalm 46:10
Author: Catharine Amalia Dorothea von Schlegel, 1752, cento
Translated by: Jane Borthwick, 1855
Titled: "Stille, mein Wille"
Composer: Jean Sibelius, b. 1865, arr.
Tune: "Finlandia"

Take me Out of the Ballgame!

Let me preface that we have the coolest Tball friends.  The coaches are just amazing and Crstal and BJ who lead the team are superhuman.  With that said, oy, Tball is a really arduous sport and I'm quietly grateful it is over.

Gym and dance are very time consuming sports.  There is no way around it.  We do 1.5 hour practices on Tue and Fri plus two hours on Saturday.  Tball practices had a very similar schedule but the biggest problem was that our Spring in this part of the country sucks.  It is incredibly dusty and windy, sometimes cold, sometimes sweltering and rarely pleasant.  Oh and the games take FOREVER!  Than there was Harm, he never complains about going to gym, EVER but Tball took an act of congress to get him to each practice or game.

Yet while I was complaining on a regular basis something magical happened.  I've noticed that Tball and baseball is a sport where there is a lot of tradition.  We have several friends who have batting cages, and they go to really expensive camps.everything from your bat to the uniforms cost a lot.  Our team did a lot of fundraising but we didn't buy the expensive practice equipment or go to camps.  Instead they practiced really hard.  We didn't have even one of the big superstars on our team (yes even Tball has superstars known in the city that teams recruit) but we still did great.  The boys won second overall in the city and I was proud of Harm!

I'm glad for now it is done.  The coaches are already planning on strategy for going into coach pitch next season.  They are going to start earlier and work harder... Oy!  Some of our family has encouraged us just to quit and part of me wants too but I think of all the lessons Harm and I both have learned and I'm so proud of him.  So I guess next year, take me out to the ball game, even if I would rather say take out of the ball game.

Back in My Day

Sometimes I think I am living with my father who grew up during the Great Depression once again.  Every day I'm bombarded with the, "back in my day we didn't have _______________".  Of course rather than my father it is always my husband.  

Chris grew up with 8 siblings, yes EIGHT brothers and sisters.  His mom was a stay at home my and while his father was very successful when you have 11 members in one house money doesn't go far.  Because of this though there is a really big gap between what I want to give my kids for opportunities and just fun family moments, and Chris' meted deprivation.

Both of my parents were born in real poverty.  At the feed store the cashier teased me about eating the ducks and my mother, quite serious, explained what a pain in the rear it is to pluck a chicken or duck by hand.  My father won't even eat chicken because that was the only meat he ever really ate until he got to college.  It seems so removed to me to even imagine my mom wearing flour sacks or my father jamming to the "40's on 4" (the Sirius Digital Radio station) alongside Captain America back in 1943.

The funny thing is that since they were both so poor both of them with shear determination pursued college degrees and became quite successful.  They made sure we as kids had all the oppourtunities that they didn't.  I grew up with frequent theater trips in Los Angeles and San Francisco and annual trips to see the Bolshoi Ballet.  We went to private school and always had the best clothing and other material needs met.  Later when practicing law in a Texas got more complicated the easy living days were over but I was still left as a young teenager with the desire to work hard and achieve, just as my parents had.

Chris on the other hand learned to work hard for anything he ever wanted.  His family lived in a nice home in Mesa AZ with a pool and so he and his older siblings would spend their summers holding a day camp for kids in the neighborhood.  He proudly proclaims how he picked cotton, babysat, moved lawns, framed homes, and worst of all worked at McDonalds just so he could visit Golfland or buy a video game.  This upbringing taught him that if he wanted more he had to earn it.

So in Chris' mind our kids need to be the same way, deprived; while I think you can teach kids good values through good oppourtunities.  The only solution when confronting such different parenting techniques is compromise.  I think we did that well last week.  We went on vacation and enjoyed Disneyland, Long Beach, and Las Vegas which was up my alley but we stuck to a very strict budget and the kids had to work to earn money for their trip which is up Chris' way.  

It is very difficult in making a modern family in the shadows of our own upbringings.  We just have to remember is that it matters less how it was back in our day but being united in parenting in the here and now.

Being there for Harmon...

I'm learning as a mom very quickly that the most important thing I can do is simply be there for my children.  It is more important than soccer practice, it is more important than T-Ball or gym.  It matters more than what school I choose for them or when they go.  I learned that lesson again on Wednesday.

Harmon started his swim classes on Tuesday at NMSU.  He is a mid level swimmer learning proper strokes and so forth.  While waiting for the teacher and his turn, mid-lesson he just got bored and jumped in the pool.  He wasn't at risk of drowning but not following directions is NOT OPTIONAL.  He was swarmed by life guards, the swim program head, and myself in five seconds.  They warned him and I figured that was the end of it.

After class I saw him crying his eyes out.  We stopped and I sat with him.  He told me: "Mommy, I'm always getting in trouble.  I can't listen at school, gym, and swim.  They never let me play in t-ball and I'm just a loser who is bad.  I want to quit everything."  My heart broke for him.  We talk a lot and he often shares his struggles with me.  I try to always catch him being good and really encourage him constantly because I know that he struggles.  I just hugged him tightly and told him he is more than his struggles and he will overcome.

Afterwards I called for his swim teacher to come back out and Colin was sweet enough to encourage Harm not to quit.  Later that his gym teacher David also encouraged him and let him know how much he believed in Harmon, and loved him.   Last night, I went to the end of his T-Ball game after I finished important work.  I almost didn't go, but I made it just in time to see his one and only time to bat.  He made a run and was so proud.  It meant so much to him that I was there to see him.  Afterwards just him and I went for ice cream.  I was so glad I got there in time for just 15 minutes of a game.

Just like adults kids struggle.  They need love and encouragement and they need someone that loves them enough to be there for them and listen.  I was grateful enough God placed me in the right place at the right time to be there for him and it has alerted me to the fact that I always have to be on guard and be ready to be there for him.  I can't keep him from hurting, I can only be there to offer him hugs and kisses and be ready to listen and love when it happens.   I need to be there more for my kids.  I love them so much and I want them to know that each and every day.

Be Still...

I have two very crazy active kids and one other kid who very active.  It's not really a surprise because Chris and I are very active.  We always like to be doing and learning and be in the middle of everything.

Perhaps that is why when times like now, I find myself struggling.  My treatment for RA is becoming more intense because I am losing function and the flares up are much worse.  I have to make a decision when times like this happen.  I have to choose sometimes to increase medications that make me sick in order to preserve my long term quality of life.  I have found in my experience that new medications often are worse when I first start but my body eventually adapts and I get my mojo back.

Right now I am in my second week of a new treatment and it has thrown me off my feet.  I have a lot of faith that in good time I will be able to adjust to the medicine or we will change it.  We won't know either way for a few more months because we are slowly increasing it each month for about four months to eight months.  It is my hope at the end of this my RA factor will go down and I will be able to do more with my kids like playing in a park or taking a long walk with them.  The things that are very difficult for me today.

So when I start to feel sorry for myself about the medicines I am trying to count my blessings instead.  Slow down and rest.  Watch my babies and rather than think of all the things I can't do because I'm tired, be grateful for all that I have, with the real hope one day I will be able to do more.

Let's go to the Circus!

College Heights is a magnificent school!  Every year rather than doing a kindergarten graduation they celebrate with a big school wide circus.  It's sad for me because this is Harm's sort of graduation and next year he will be watching rather than part of the celebrations.

Where to begin?  Well when Harm is acting up in the future I can always tease him that he is acting like a horse's butt because well he was a horse's butt!  What parent parent brags about that?  I do!  Because between him and his partner Payton Harm did the cutest little dance, and when you consider that he can't see a thing and was perfectly instep that is something to celebrate!

In fact I just couldn't be prouder of Harm's parts!  He had the only singing solo in the school and two dancing duets with Payton.  He is amazing.  As someone who strives to raise her kids in the arts I just burst while seeing him just bloom singing and dancing.  He was bummed.  All his besties were clowns and he wanted to be a clown.  I told him that he was given a special talent to sing and dance and he teased me that he would rather send them back so he could be a clown. Than I tell him the joy he gave me and he just smiles.  He was the cutest horse's butt and dancing bear ever!

The babies were beautiful as well.  Rachel was supposed to be part of the merry go round but than Kari, our principal remebered she was a dancer and decided that she should be a dancing doll.  They touted these girls as the most beautiful girls in all the land and I couldn't have agreed more.

Cally was also cute as a button.  Him and his cute friend JP starred in the dog and pony show.  JP was the pony and drove a trike around the stage and Cally stood on the bike waving as a cute dalmation.  

Another school year has passed and the circus has left.  I'm so grateful for the beautiful memories that were made and a chance to celebrate seeing my kids grow and blossom.

Just Cally and I!

This has been a very interesting last couple of months for my babies.  There has been a lot of growth in each child that I've seen.  I try to embrace changes but I'm sad.  For the last year Callum has been my constant companion being the only child to attend school half days.  That is changing really soon.  Right now the kids are all home half days but next year they will all be in school full time.

It started at first as a pain.  When Miriam got hired by our company full time Callum was supposed to be an all day puppy, Rachel was supposed to do DDPre in the morning and be an afternoon puppy.  Harmon of course was full day roadrunner for his kindergarten year.  Rachel and Harm did great but Cally was very unhappy.  I kept thinking he would get used to it but after a month I felt very prompted that I needed to take him out and have him continue only going to school half day.

At first I felt like this was going to be a total thorn in my side.  I was so excited to have time for focusing on my work.  How wrong I was!  He has never been in my way.  He is very patient and well behaved.  He loved spending time sitting next to me cuddling while I worked watching Scooby Doo.  He called himself my cuddle bug.  When I needed to go to the university he sat patiently and waited with me.  He would remind me not to get too intense because you need to take play breaks and snack breaks.  It was like having an angel with me.

Now next year is coming and my angel is growing up.  Instead of happiness for all this new time I'm sad. I will miss him so much.

Ducky, Ducky, Doo!

This weekend we were blessed that Harm's Magpie Brigham hatched 12 baby ducks. We have had our ducks now for a little over a year and have been fun additions to our family.

In the last year they have taught our kids responsibility.  When they came as babies the kids were so excited but when the newness wore off they learned that animals take work and love.  Harmon who is in charge of cleaning their water daily learned that you can't take Christmas off or his birthday.  The twins feed them and Rachel has been the one to watch over them.  

During this time their excitement has turned to love.  They have come to love them.  They love playing with them, and caring for them.  Unlike a pet that might come home and be discarded I feel like I'm doing something right as a mom because they have grown to be joyful part of their lives.  When the ducky babies hatched the kids were just beyond joyful and excited.  

We should have a summer of joy and excitement with two other ducks nesting.  It will also be hard when it is time to rehouse some of them.  I think we will give our drake back to the gentleman who gave him to us and just keep our original females (and maybe 3 more babies that are female) but I'm so grateful the kids get this unique experience!

Aww nature... AHHH nature!!!!!!!!

I've always sort of had an uneasy friendship with Mother Nature.  In someways I love nature, after all it's gorgeous but I will never enjoy being barefoot or loving the idea of sitting on grass.  Since moving out to Mesilla it has been an idealic existence.  It's just beautiful and peaceful, but it isn't all cherry pie and ice cream.  My allergies are horrible, yard work on a country home sucks, bugs EVERYWHERE, and so forth.  Still I'm glad we are are here.

The kids on the other hand complain constantly about their horrid fate.  They miss suburbia and being close to everything.  They hate the extra work and they complain the country is boring because all they can do is chase ducks and play basketball.  So this morning I decided to let them take a country stroll in the pecan orchard near our house.  They came back screaming in horror!  The culprits were:

82 degree heat

3 Bees in a tree

And a Morbidly Obese Chihuahua barking at them!

Obviously we all need more experience with this nature thing :p