I have a Pretty Pink Precious PRINCESS!!!

Rachel is doing great these days!  I do wonder where she gets it though sometimes!  That girl is just crazy girl in a sea of boys.  

She spends her day dancing, playing with her babies, dressing up, singing, and playing with her stuffed animals.  Rachel is very very smart and special.  She does these real complicated large puzzles Harmon just learned how to do.  She sits and masters it amazingly well.  She loves to hang out with Miriam, and I all the time.  I worry because she doesn't like to play a lot with her brothers.  They are too boy for her.  But she loves everyone who comes over for whatever reason and dances for them.

The Cerebral Palsy is not even really noticeable to me or non-expert type people.  She is so physical.  She can do a cart wheel now!  What I love is how she is just always moving and climbing things.  Instead of running she "prances".  It is so adorable.  For now she is out of her plastic orthotics.  Rachel just hated them and every day she would fight us.  We are doing something called Kineseo tape.  It is the stuff athletes use and it is supposed to strengthen her muscles.  She loves getting taped even though it is a process that takes about an hour to do each week.  I told her it was "dancer tape" like they use on Dance Moms.  She wants to be a dancer so she figures it is part of her "training".  That is what is so cool about Rachel.  She has the determination to make her dreams come true.

What to do for school is a big question.  Having been through special education for Harmon and get hit by the sea of ridiculous bureaucracy I wanted to keep it private for therapy and pre-k.  Honestly everyone is nice and trying in LCPS, it is just with state budget cuts they just want to cut the necessary programs to help kids thrive.  


So we assumed since Rachel is doing well we would avoid the public schools DD-Pre K.  The problem is we found she is green-lighted for full services.  It is funny b/c I've been fighting for almost a year now for Harmon to get the right services and than the child I bypass gets an automatic green light.  I'm confused because everyone tells me CP is something that needs constant care and she gets a lot of services through Early Intervention.  But Rachel is so much more than a diagnoses.  She is a tough chick and I don't want people telling her she is anything less than amazing and perfect.

So I don't know what Chris and I will decide.  I do know though that whatever path we choose she will do well.  This is a really smart strong little princess and I have no doubt she is going to kick butt in life!

The Children! Think of the children!!!!

I have not blogged a lot about the kids so I am going to try to spend a moment about each precious one.  Honestly they are all doing so well considering all they went through and Because of the accident honestly I've been at home spending more time with them, than I have in a long time.  It has been nice.  I just have not written about them a lot lately because I have not written a lot honestly.  


So the next 3 posts are in honor of my critters, it will take me a few days but I have special updates on each of them!  Each is well and each is wonderful.  They inspire me every day to get off the couch, stop the whining, and get back to life!  

The Deadliest House...

Anyone who has known me for at least five years knows my very favorite television show is the Deadliest Catch. I think if you talked to my husband those dudes are sissies, the deadliest job in America is home building.

I've been in the thick of HB for 4 years and just don't get it like Chris and his brothers do. You would think the way Chris talks he was risking life: "so and so pulled a permit! ". "So and so got our lots!". "OMG do you know a home owner wants a different stone on their fire place!?!?" it is frustrating yet funny. The best is the brothers relationship. Having four brothers myself the idea of working with brothers (or sisters) doesn't seem like a good idea. I'm still not sold...


It is funny because I'm the passionate one in the marriage, until this issue of work comes to the table.  I just don't get it :p

So I have a new theory. We should cash out of housing and buy a crab boat. When the boys get mad at each other they can be like the Time Bandit brothers who just punch each other if there is a disagreement and move on.  Chris and his brothers can crab a few months each year in ice cold weather with employees passing out from exposure, rather than sneaking out to Walmart.  I think after a month in the Bering Sea, fricken Las Cruces house building would seem less dramatic.


Blog note: I've been making great strides with recovery but as I recover I've had so much new responsibility. Lot of life catch up losing two months of life! I will take some time to make real posts. The kids are great and good things are happening :)


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A quiet victory...

Today was a day I wanted to just stay in bed. My head hurt so badly and I was in pain with my body. During the past few days I've been making huge steps. I have been weaning off of pain medication. I got out of the Sarmiento cast and even my sling. I gave an official statement on the accident. Today meant more though than all the other recent days...




Today was finals day for my classes. In this point of my life I don't need to be in school right now but I'm grateful I had made the choice to do so. I didn't think I would make it too today after everything that had occurred but I did. Im really glad I didn't quit when i could have. I didn't need to stay but as I gave up so much recently, I refused to give this up.

Today they officially read my play today and I had several friends and family attend, including Chris. I know I will never be a famous playwright on Broadway but it was neat to see something I created read and be considered good enough to be performed. It was fun to say goodbye to new friends. It is neat to think about the day when I might be able to do something I love and support the family rather than Chris getting to be the only one to do his thing. It was neat to see him support me. It was great to come home to my babies who missed me!

I didn't know if I could get out of bed and do today. I did though. It makes me realiaze tomorrow I can do the same. Perhaps that is why I am going through all I have been through recently. I'm stronger than I thought I was. Today taught me that and it gave me such hope for tomorrow!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The adventures of Mr. Mom!

So Chris gave me the funniest kick yesterday.  He asked me, "are you sure we are not going to have one more baby?"  SERIOUSLY???  I've been in the hospital multiple times this year.  We are getting our parenting rears kicked by these three.  More?  No way!  He knows!  We both know that there is no way but he still wants to keep the dream alive...

I don't blame Chris at all.  He has eight brothers and sisters (yes same mom and same dad).  I have a lot of siblings but my father was married twice.  I still don't know how my mom did it with four.  To me that is one too many.  


The funny thing is that I'm not the only one who is tired, he gets just as tried (if not more b/c they mind me a little better).  It is pretty amusing.  They are hard on all of us but they are wonderful and inspiring at the same time.  It is funny to see him struggle.  Thursday night he took them all to Walmart and I'm surprised they made it back (with groceries).  He was just frayed!  He wanted to put a sign out in the front yard saying: FREE TODDLERS!  I smile because in part it is hard and it is good for him to see how hard, but the other part of me is happy because he is a good Dad and very willing to learn.


We both know we are done with kids.  There is no question when it comes down to it.  I feel like our job is now to focus raising three great kids and Chris feels likewise.  He is trying.  Friday he wants to take all three camping for Father & Sons (Rachel is coming b/c with rehabilitation I shouldn't be by myself with her).  I wish I could be a fly in their tent b/c I know this will be funny!  It is great though and I love that he is committed to caring for them.  Also it does provide good entertainment.

Coming to Terms...

Today I woke up a 4 am. I took some Benadryl, pain medication, and went back to bed. The problem was that I didn't fall back asleep. I tossed and turned for an hour, played an hour of Scrabble, tossed and turned for another hour and than decided, I might as well stay up and write. I've been wanting to get out what happened with the accident for a while but when I'm in a peaceful place at night or with my children I never want to talk about what happened. It is in these frustrating quiet moments that I really reflect.




The day of the accident I was so excited to get home to see friends for lunch. I was very happy because I had fully recovered from my stint in the hospital. I kept wanting to stop and grab something like a soda and some munchies b/c I love to snack but I just didn't want to get off the freeway. There were a lot of 18 wheelers, even in the fast lane so I just didn't want to leave the middle lane. I remember passing Mesquite and thinking "almost there". That is when the accident happened.




I don't remember that part. All I do remember is that my knuckles were very bruised and my IPad was still playing when I regained consciousness. It was white like clouds (airbags) and smelled so badly. I didn't know what happened. So I sat there listening to M&M/Rhianna's song "Love the Way you Lie". Than I heard a gentlemen scream to me "don't move". I couldn't see him. It was at that time I felt the pain of my left side being crushed, and I knew it was bad. There were a lot of people who stopped, got off the freeway, and went to help me. They might have all saved my life. For that I will be eternally grateful. I wish I knew who they were do I could tell them thank you.

When the gentleman came I wanted to scream. I was in so much pain. Than I wanted to slip backwards and fall asleep again. There were nurses there I think, including the first gentlemen who stopped. He kept yelling at me to stay with him, talk, don't sleep. At that moment I remembered my sister's accident when I was a child and my mom told me if she had fallen back asleep she might have died. I didn't want to die so I stayed awake. I had remembered learning hypnosis but never being into it. For some reason I started doing it. I would breathe every 3 or 4 seconds and just try to close my eyes and stayed talking.

It helped a lot. I calmed down, the gentleman kept asking me who my husband was (probably from the ring) and I gave him Chris' number. A lady had come in through the passenger and saw me trying to do deep breathing and she started helping me. She told me the cops were here and I was being air flown to the hospital on the helicopter. That scared me. They only air lift critical people. I told her to have the cops radio my brother. He is cop and works the area where I was. I knew he could contact everyone.

My head was crushed and just bleeding. My right side was the worse. I knew what ever happened was really bad. I've experienced pain but this unworldly. I wanted to go back to sleep but I just kept focusing and breathing. The witnesses started telling me what happened. I had been In the middle lane when an 18 wheeler cut in front of me. I was in the blind spot probably. I swerved b/c I had no choice or I would have been hit by him full on. I nipped another truck who was in the slow lane and that caused me to fly off the freeway "Dukes of Hazard" off the freeway, over the ravine, and on to the access road.

I couldn't believe what they told me. The trucker I nipped seemed so kind. He didn't help with me in the car but he came over and said he was okay, his truck was fine, just get better. I was worried for him but he kept reassuring me not too worry about what him. Everyone kept saying you didn't do anything wrong, you did everything right. Knowing the pain both my hands felt from being on the steering wheel, I knew they were right. That was comforting, knowing I did my very best. I just wish still I could remember it.
Everything else was just pain. The EMTs finally came and I told them I don't want a helicopter. They kept telling me don't be scared of them, but I told them I was going to stay with them and I didn't want it. I love flying but I knew I didn't need to be airlifted. So they called off the helicopter. I remember being scared at that point, what if I had made a mistake so I sat there and focused. I heard Chris' voice as I was loaded up. I was shocked he was there. He never answers his phone or leave work.




From that point I don't remember much except focusing on warm beaches, breathing, needles, pain, them cutting off my clothing, more pain, more needles, x-rays, cat-scans. They told me I was being placed in ICU. Chris came at that point for just a minute. He was so scared and it scared me. I felt his love and I knew that was why. I told him to grab my brother Louie. He is a cop and I knew he would be calm for me. We joked about dogs and he helped ease the fear.




I stayed in the ICU for 3 days. I was told broken shoulder, finger, and brain bleed. I was scared of being in the pain I was more scared knowing I was It wasn't out of the woods so I stayed tough. Than my first day in my non-ICU room was bad. I saw the news article that my friend Sabrina had emailed the accident. For the the first time is that it became very real to me. I was now fully aware of how bad it was and the pain was full on. I fought to get out of there, Chris and I fought over the quick serious decisions that we had to make and I felt so hopeless. The last day they in the hospital I knew I was gonna lose it. They told me I would be there till Monday, it was Saturday... I was ready to crack so I told the doctors and nurses late that night I would be going home. An on duty psychologist came to make sure I was okay mentally to go home. She inspired me to trust myself, and that I would overcome this, That night I got home just before mid-night.




With RA I knew this was serious. Suddenly reconstruction was needed for my right hand (that will be soon). Chris kept telling me I needed to man up, but he didn't understand the pain and still doesn't. He is trying and I know he wants me to be strong for the kids. What he doesn't realize is that the main reason I fought so hard to live those first few hours, get out of that hospital, and now get better is for those kids. Death has never ever scared me but leaving them sone was what scared me. I kept wanting to be with them and now all I want to do is to be better so I can be there more for them.




Right now things simply stand at waiting, I've lost a lot of life it feels like these past six weeks. They want to reconstruct my hand like tomorrow. I don't know, I don't think I want to go through that right now. I want to spend my summers in my pool with my kids. The shoulder is really getting there. I got the ok to take the Sarmiento off. It should have had it off too weeks ago but b/c of my condition that will take time.




Everyday is really hard. Every milestone like getting out of the cast is really hard. I'm still limited, but hopefully not for much longer. I'm not dumb though, it will take years to overcome what I have and will have scars that I carry with me the rest of my life internally and externally. But living is better than dying. Being with my little ones is what makes it all so worthwhile. I've lost a lot! There will be no warm beach ironically this summer. The unexpected expenses took that away. Instead I'll be having to learn this Summer how to to put a hair tie in my hair and stop my flare ups. Instead of girls weekend in Vegas. I will be using my airline cards to get a second opinion in Scottsdale AZ at the Mayo clinic.



Getting my life back is hard. It is worth it though and I've got a lot of faith that I will recover. God watched over me and I'm lucky to be here. I know that. But I think would have been luckier not to have what happened, have occurred. I hope I can look back at this post and it will be a distant memory like the weeks my cupcakes were in the NICU or the weeks in the weeks in the hospital before they were born and I was so sick. I just don't want to wait to feel better anymore, I want be healthy again so badly. But my time is not God's time and I must remember that these things will pass.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Marching for Babies (from my computer)

This weekend was Las Cruces' annual March of Dimes, March for Babies.  We participate every year no matter what b/c I owe a lot to this organization.  Their work helped save our twin's lives!  This year with the accident, I wasn't the captain at the helm for Team Cupcakes but we did better than ever!

I owe a special thanks to everyone in our company for the hard work they did.  HB manned a check point and all the employees helped out in one way or another with the check point and it was touching.  They didn't have too, it was Saturday morning, but they were out there with their dogs, kids, friends, working their trash off.  My sister in law, Melissa rocked it the best at the check point making sure each walker got a bag.  We had a party at my house to put everything together and Miriam our nanny ran that show.  She rocked it!  Our office manager Stephanie did the t-shirts.  It was everyone though and considering that it was showcase I'm so touched.

I only got to be there physically for a few minutes and my role was limited.  I felt bad but I'll be back next year.  In the plus side as a team we did great and I'm so grateful for everyone.  We the dust settled we might have earned 17,000 or more.  That is a pretty good contribution and great tribute to our cupcakes!

At least I'm doing one thing great!

I find it interesting.  Since being in the accident I've been told a lot about "how" I should be should be feeling and "what" I should be doing.  The opinions vary greatly.  It seems like one person is disappointed in me for not doing more while others are disappointed for doing so much.  

At the end of the day though I have 3 big fans: Rachel, Callum, and of course Harmon.  They get it, Momma needs love b/c she has an ouchy.  This week was some crummy news, I will be in the cast longer and my head injury isn't healing as we thought it would.  I got a little down in the dumps for the first time in a while after all this.  But my babies just keep cheering me on.  I love being with them and I love them.  All three are special and delightful!

This week I have felt kicked down, but I know things are not that bad.  It is easy when the crap piles up on you to feel bad.  It is the trick of pulling yourself up.  Miriam is a great influence of hope for me and I'm surrounded by great people.  I know this will pass.  I just wish it would pass already!

I chopped off my hair and rearranged the house :p

Last night was my final straw.  I was so tired.  It was the first day of trying to take off my Sarmiento Cast (it is a removable hard cast used for collar bone and shoulder fractures) and use a sling.  It was painful.  Than Harm woke me up 5 times last night (he has been having nightmares and night terrors every night since the accident, my poor guy).  So I was in pain and tired today.   But instead of whining I figured out things.

So this morning I made a list of getting my home/life more organized.  The top of my list was Harmon.  We talked and he told me he missed his brother.  That when I was in the hospital he slept in the bed with him.  So we made the rash decision about dismantling his bedroom and picking out some bunk beds.  Since of course they are both are six we are doing side by side for now but the bunks are an available option.  Tonight they were just thrilled!  Both are excited to share.  I will have to remind them of that when they are 12 and want their own rooms again ;)

One of my secret vices are sales.  We got lucky b/c last Summer Target had a huge clearance sale on bedding.  I bought about $350 with 3 bedding sets (Harm's turtle room and 2 "on the move") for about $100.  I got wall decals, night lights, full quilts, sheets, etc.  Rachel's room was a staged room from one our abandoned models.  My mother in law designed it for our old Vista model.  It is nice to see that room totally done now.  So that means the crib mattresses, changing table, toddler beds, etc. are all gone.  Besides a drawer for diapers there are really no more signs of "baby hood" in my home.  It is sad in a way but it is so cute to see the big little humans they are becoming!!!

Another thing I realized was that with the Sarmiento permanently gone in a couple of weeks I can wash my hair again on my own!!!  WOHOO!!!!  But it will be a long while till I can flat iron it probably.  So I bit the bullet and had my beautiful Aurora (long time hair dresser) just cut it.  It was 5 inches off in the back (I wear a lot of framing layers so it didn't look as different from the front).  It has been many years since I've had short hair but I think I like it!  

My "to do" list that I made is pretty scary but I feel good that I have it done.  I feel great knowing that we have the kids especially in a better place.  I have to remember that we are all still sort of healing from the accident.  Tomorrow it is a lot of paperwork and March of Dimes.  There is an old saying though that asks: "How do you eat an elephant"?" and the answer is "one bite at a time."  That is what I'm doing.  But elephant tastes good so it isn't that bad :p

Being a Mommy in cutting edge broken arm fashion!

There is a certain Mommy Blogger who I love to read simply b/c it is funny. She has all these corporate sponsors and she always takes pictures of herself doing the most mundane things looking like a million dollars. Like this...

I guess 65 years later and us women still want to look our best in pearls. Even if it doesn't match the reality of a working modern mom. Heck we all know it wasn't the reality back then either, those ladies had to ration just a few years earlier. Still no one wants themselves looking like this:

Even if it isn't daily reality, they want themselves looking like this:

That is where my wonderment about this mommy blogger was. While I find it ridiculous to "stage" my life and spend the whole day modeling, I'm not the happiest walking around looking like I could be part of the dead people in the movies, The Others. I guess especially with all that has happened I realize I need to try my best to feel good about myself. So how do you that when you can't even clip your hair up or put lotion on your feet? These are some of my ideas.

First off torn t-shirts were not working. So I pulled out the best no sleeves outfit in my closet. Remember this?

Yes, that is me in a swim coverup (drinking soda, not rum). We repurposed it into this:

And we even added a few little ribbons so it wouldn't slip on me.

Miriam added some more swim coverups to my wardrobe. We even have a "church" dress. That was a 10 dollar one from Walgreens.

But when it gets cold and you have a nice event to attend you can't look like you are going to the beach...

So I came up with this number! One night it was nippy though and I was attending a nice event. So I repurposed Chris' dress shirt (which fits over the cast) into this little number. It was ode to all those "tips" I read in Glamour.

My favorite so far though was my repurposing my Indian Sari (I had several given to me as gifts from a good friend in college who hailed from Qatar) into more refined choice for a presentation today. (And yes this time I cheated with a tank top underneath and a couple of safety pins. I normally tie it but I didn't want to risk it falling off :p

Of course cutting edge fashion would not be complete without high quality shoes. While I'm not ready for Jimmy Choos I did get some fun house slippers. I also got some actually cute BORN sandals. And I got a pedicure b/c that is what you do when you can't reach your toenails.

Makeup wise friends have given me hints. Bare Minerals is great when you can't do a lot. My buddy neighbor/dentist convinced me the importance of a professional electric toothbrush. Miriam is the best though. She will do my eyeliner (if it is pencil not my usual liquid). I am doing my face cream 2x a day and using my sunscreen each day.

Baths are a little harder. I miss the old days of my bubble bath. But I am able to get into the kids bath and that is cool. My hairdresser is doing the washing these days on Friday. I miss washing it more often but I only have a couple of more weeks.

As much as I giggle at the modeling mail order bride mommy looking fabulous a minute after giving birth, she has it right about one thing. You need to keep your appearances up. It is good for the heart. You don't need to look like this every day:

Heck realistically I won't even look like "me" for a few more weeks. That doesn't matter. What matters is that you just have to look your personal best that time and circumstances allow. Take the time time to take care of yourself on the outside and most importantly in your heart.

With that said I still won't be on America's Next Top Mommy any day soon ;)