The fact is though that now that I'm older and am trying to balance not only my large family but now Chris' very tight knit family things have gotten much harder. You would think after 6 years we would have it down how to balance but it has yet to get easier at all. I always wanted things to get easier. I wanted to be one of those old vintage Coca-Cola Christmas families but no matter how I try I tend to feel my life reflects more clearly sitcoms like Modern Family. I can't cook American food at all. No one on either side of our family is ever happy it seems like. There is a lot of passive aggressive BS that I have to cope with.
This year was particularly hard because there was a lot of sadness. I had a friend lose her little baby boy just before he was due to be born. My loved sister in law had to say good bye to her dad on the day after Christmas. I had other friends who struggled with losing family members and another had her daughter sent to ICU with a brain bleed after a rare virus hit. It really hit me that we could have been in there shoes. I don't know how I survived the accident with so few long term health consequences but seeing friends and family struggle with catastrophic tragedy these last few weeks I have been humbled with my blessings!
Nonetheless, my blog would not be an honest reflection of life unless I was honest and I admitted that this holiday was very hard on me. I think it was hard on a lot of people in our respective families for the same reasons. I have come to realize through all of this that everyone wants this "ideal" of classic Americana getting together and just loving each other like an old postcard from the forties. I think if we were able to take off the pressure and just chill, everyone would be so much happier.
At least I would be happier. There is so much to love about the holidays! My sister, who is my best friend, comes and visits us. This year we had Christmas dinner at an old beautiful hotel. That was nice. I love seeing her and many of the other family that comes into town. What I love the most though is my children.
My beautiful babies don't know the difference between a Cracker Barrel Thanksgiving I learned this year from a home-cooked one. All they cared about was lighting the menorah (and opening their Hanukkah gift each night). They loved drinking hot chocolate and watching old movies. Rachey loved dressing up and everyone loved seeing their Aunt Eliza!!! Than Christmas morning they opened a few gifts, and a few more after that. After our dinner we saw Monster's Inc. and they loved it.
Sometimes I wish I could skip the holidays. In Las Vegas it was never odd that I had to work an Easter or Christmas. It was life. Movies and restaurants were not odd back than for me on a holiday. I loved just chilling with friends those days. I guess if I could give my children any gift I would give them the gift of telling them to not fret over these holidays. To relax. It isn't about what you do or who you are with as long as you are in good company and happy.
I worry they see the stress I go through every year. The tears I sometimes try to hide from them. The frustration I have. I don't want to teach them that. Whether you are agnostic, athiest, Jewish, or whatever I think the spirit of the holidays is the same and that should be joy. I hope one day my holidays might be more joyous! Maybe if everyone around me can learn to be peaceful, peace in the middle-East might not be so lofty.
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