Maybe the Easter Bunny is real!

For us it is and her name is Joy. As from my last post I wasn't doing baskets this year or eggs or much of anything. My friend Joy decided on her own that she wanted to make each child a beatuiful basket, dye tons of eggs for us, and she got each a bunny. It was so beautiful. The kids are excited for tomorrow (they got the bunny today as a teaser). We had some small toys I had got on clearance and stuck them it to the baskets. It is perfect. I can't believe the time and sweetness this took. The craziest part was that she didn't know about our accident. She knew about me being in Providence for herna surgery and I think she just felt we needed this help. I can't believe such kindness. So many of our friends and family have reached out. It means the world. Happy Easter and Passover to everyone!

The Easter Bunny is Broken This Year!

So last year I wanted to make Easter perfect and than I realized I was moving that Friday before and my house was not done yet. It was shaky! This year I wish I was back in that ball of stress rather than being in the predicament I'm just physically so limited.

So today my friend Jaimie and I were chatting and she mentioned Easter this weekend. I'm thinking... NO! It can't be easter!!!! I can't even dress myself. I can't cook us anything!!! The boys don't have outfits yet (Miriam picked out an amazing dress for Rachel that will be perfect for Easter and we even had found a little hat before the accident)!!! It doesn't feel like it.

Vintage Twinkies

The funny thing is that I guess those things don't matter. I had bought some clearance toys on a business trip in early January that was to be the kid's toys for Christmas but heck they are going to have a killer Easter. Tonight Chris picked up some dye for eggs and we found some bunny ears for the kids to wear. I got Chris a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup Bunny. It is his favorite. I also ordered us some tamales and with Chris' hands and my harping we made some of my favorite pinto beans in the crockpot to slow cook overnight. So we will have a pretty untraditional day on Sunday. I hope to go to church at least just to see everyone but who knows... It will be nice nonetheless!!!!

Vintage Harm

Life one handed is frustrating but it has putting me in perspective more and more. I want to go Holiday crazy but we CAN NOT DO IT!!!! There is no physical way. What I can do though is teach my little critters about the real meaning of Easter with the resurrection. I also hope to start teaching them about the passover this year (we started with Hanukah and Purim earlier). The other stuff is nice but I think if the turkey dinner and ornate baskets are cut, who cares? Let's celebrate the real things that matter!!!

I keep thinking more and more that maybe God has been trying to giving me wake up calls to slow it down these last 4 months (it all started it on on Dec 3rd with the first accident with the DUI lady). I just still won't stop pushing myself. I don't have a choice though right now and the simplifying is refreshingly nice. I can't wait to spend Sunday with my babies!!!

Closing doors and new directions :)

]Today I got sad news that I would not be able to a few things that has given me joy for a while. It was a very big kick in the gut. Realistically I knew I would have to close the doors on certain things for a while in my life. I knew I would have to make hard choices but some of the choices got made for me and it was a kick in the gut. I wanted to be able to make the choice but considering circumstances I understand. It hurts still though.

In that sense I found out some good news as well. My kids were able to sneak into a tumble tots class and their cousin Troy is there with my wonderful Sister-In-Law Melissa. I got to eat lunch with my twins (Harm was at school) and Miriam, our nanny. We all just talked and laughed. She knew I was down but very supportive. It inspired me.

I've been taking classes for fun and it is fun! I write and hang out with theater geeks and English geeks; LIKE ME! I figured after the accident I would withdraw b/c there is too much on my plate but I hadn't done it yet. I went to my classes tonight and it was so much fun. I got my mind off the pain of the injuries, the stress of everything else, and just enjoyed being back. I felt empowered rather than just sitting around getting bad news, hearing how bad I look, and being in pain. The professors want to work with me which is so nice. It makes me wonder now that I will have more time after rehabilitation where to go and what to do..

.

Anyone who reads this blog probably has seen how I've been dipping in and out of changing things in my life. I start remolding things but get scared or feel guilted and go back to what pleases others and I know works. With the accident things have changed and I can't go back. I need to move forward. I've got great kids and I know that I'm not just doing this for me but for them as well. It is a lot to take in but I've got support and I'm not as scared anymore as I was. I feel determined that as I recover that I use this experience for good. Things happen for a reason and while I don't know the reason any person would have to fly off the freeway I'm hoping in time I can use what has happened and what I have lost as a spring point for new beginnings and a better life than perhaps I was settling for before the drama.

"Wow, you look like crap!

I'm happy to be home. It will be a tough few weeks with the casts on on and than after a few months of rehab, We are looking at hand reconstruction and nuerso surgery to fix my spinal column. It is hard but I keep just making a to list and getting things moving, It keeps me focused on proactive treatment,

The hard part is my vanity. I don't look like me. I can't even shower on my own, schrunchie my hair, wear makeup, etc. Everywhere I go I have people telling me: you look so painful. You make me scared to drive etc. I saw a lady I know real well and she didn't recognize me :( That is hard

I just have to focus on the little people home. I love them and they think I look beautiful. I'm feeling better each day and I need to just focus on that.

Thank you everybody for their well wishes. I keep reading them on Facebook. Here is a newspaper article that describes what happened http://www.lcsun-news.com/ci_20258587/las-cruces-woman-hurt-i-10-accident?source=most_viewed because I don't really remember anything. It has all been very surreal and as I'm starting to piece everything back together very intimidating. The ironic thing is that I finally getting over everything else and that Monday I was excited to be getting back to normal.

The good news is that I'm very goal oriented. After I got released from ICU yesterday they left my healing up to me. I'm weaning myself off the pain meds, learning to walk again,etc. once I meet these goals I get released! That is empowering. Last time I had this surgery and that procedure but now I'm in the drivers seat! I'm hoping to get home real soon. Also Chris has really been with me through the worst like he has never been.

The hard part is the learning what I have to do again. I've been through hell and I look like it :p Getting home is the first step but it will probably be three months of rehab after. The idea is home health for a few weeks and than out patient rehab. My whole right side was crushed. I have broken broken bones in my shoulder and hand. Not being self-sufficient has been tough for me. I can't dwell on that! I just need to get better so I can be independent again. I've got 3 great kids to get better for and I'm lucky it wasn't worse. Still this all just sucks. I want to get back to living and not just healing.

Thanks again for all the support.

Francisca

Looking better!


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The whole pathetic story!

Please let me preface the post by I hate whining. I used to be "that person" who people would just roll their eyes with when they saw me coming b/c it was always "woe is me". I've had plenty reasons in life to whine, especially than, but it wasn't solving anything. Lately, though that has taken me to the opposite extreme. I've pretended each day just gritting my teeth and keeping things to myself. I smile and try to be optimistic but it comes to a point where I need to be realistic too. You have to be in life a little of both. So this is my story of everything going on. After all to quote one of my favorite songs by Ryan Shupe, "I'm not a superhero". So this is the whole story I've been experiencing. It is my hope a couple years from now and read it knowing that everything is long behind me.

It started December 3rd. I was in a car accident. It was no fault of my own, DUI, nevertheless if I could go back in time I wish I could have done something to prevent it. It caused the 3 vertebra in the neck and 3 in the lower back to bulge and swell. I've been doing active physical therapy and massage 5x a week though determined to fix that. The problem is I can't fix my C-4 disc. That was burst and is now pinching my nerve and throwing my neck off. They say it is a condition called "Ridiculopathy". I've had a few opinions and supposedly it needs surgery.

I am not sure though at this point b/c I've trusted doctors before that surgery was the answer and it didn't fix the problem sometimes. In the mean time they have been doing pain shots through out my spine. I call it bee stings b/c that is what it feels like to have needles in my neck to my tail bone. That helps and so do the patches on my neck but the condition is causing really severe pain and it is making it hard to use my left arm. so I will be getting an epidural in my neck soon. II'm very excited about that. It should last 4 months to 6 months and give me time to decide my next move and get more information.

In the mean time I had a laproscopy that was pretty minor in January. The doctor later told me he was surprised there was not more going on than some odd adhesions from my c-sections. When I thought the coast was clear 3 days later I ended up back in the hospital violently vomiting (and other). We found out I had been living with amoebic dysentary. What can I say... guess that darn dolphin got me this Summer b/c it was caused by the trip to Mexico. They were treating it with Flagel but after the treatment ended I didn't feel much better.

Than on top of things I didn't get my flu shot this year. It was my fault. I was so teased by those closest to me that it was an evil conspiracy that didn't work so I figured I would pocket the 20 dollars. Of course, Chris gave me the flu last month and than I got a sinus infection.

So all of this led to the events of last week and this week. Two Sunday's ago I started vomiting (etc) pretty badly. I ignored it being stubborn and really sick of medical care. That led me to the emergency room AGAIN on March 13. They released me with the orders to get follow up with a colonoscopy and endoscopy as soon as my gastroenterologist came back in 3 wks from Brazil. I didn't get better though and by Friday I needed to be admitted for more serious emergency care.

I went to the hospital that day and by midnight we discovered I had several kidney stones in each kidney (probably from the days of dehydration). Sunday they repaired a hiatal hernia in my esophagus and Monday they removed 3 masses from my colon. That caused severe bleeding (oops) in a place you don't want tons blood coming from so they kept me for another day.

Where I am at now is sort of still in limbo. I'm waiting for the biopsy of the masses in my colon and I'm waiting for the effects of that procedure to stop. Eating is hard, but I'm taking each meal very slowly. I imagine the other surgery is healing still. I'm in a lot of pain and all of this isn't helping my neck. I'm seeing my rhuematologist by emergency appointment on Monday b/c the theory is that it is all the medications I'm on that is causing this. It is compromising my immune system and ruining my digestive track. We are also waiting to see if the amoebic dysentary was still in my system (which would make sense) or if some of the problems were caused by too strong of antibiotics when I got the flu. I have these "track marks" from all the surgeries and blood draws and IV's. My hair is a frizzy mess and I don't that great about myself while normally I have a good healthy self-image. I guess the only good news is that if I continue to lose weight I can be on America's Next Top Model (that is a joke).

So there are more questions in my mind than answers. I would lie if I said I was not frustrated or scared. I barely turned 30 two months ago and the decisions I'm facing are things normally you deal with when you are much much older. The support in my family here hasn't been too awesome but I've had so many friends rally around me. Most importantly though I have my kids. They are awesome and inspire me to get through this. Finally, I've been writing, every second I have. I doubt my stuff is that great but it is a joy to create art and I feel I am just really discovering new talents.

I also have life experience where I've seen miracles and overcome things doctors said I never would. It is that which inspires me to get better and not give in. I'm hoping to get in eventually to the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale (I did this many years ago and they are pimp daddies). In the mean time we are doing intergrative care b/c no human should be on as much medicine as I am.

So that is the deal for now. It sucks, but I'm hoping the worse is over. If it is or isn't though I will get through things as I always have. I have the 3 best reasons in the world and the faith to help. I just hope the worse is over. This is not a point in my life that I ever want to revisit again. This weekend is Chris' birthday and we are "staging" St. Patrick's day for the kids. They are so excited about Leprechauns. These are the things worth fighting for in life.

The difference between Wee Wees and Pee Pees and other funnies!

Things have been hard. I've been in the hospital recently a couple of times and Chris had the great idea of doing three houses for the showcase with no time to actually build three showcase homes. It has been a lot about basically survival. I promise I will share the details when I am feeling better but tonight I don't want to think about it. Instead I want to share about my babies. The kids have done some really funny things and I wanted to share them. Looking at the joy beats whining about the tough stuff.




Rachel just fully potty trained this month. She decided on her own and it was great. The hard part is that everyone is obsessed with gender. It started when Cally asked me about why he didn't have earrings. I explained boys had pee pees and girls had earrings. He was cool with that b/c like a lot a lot of guys he loves his pee pee. Problem is when Rach and I would hang out potty training he would point to her and explain how she didn't have a pee pee. So that started her with an obsession on male and female plumbing. She had to start asking everyone do you have a "wee wee" or a "pee pee". I mean everyone: Miriam, her teachers at church, her male social worker, etc. The best part is that when people respond shyly she drops her pants and explains boys have pee pees and I have a wee wee. Hopefully she drops this habit before middle school!



Harmon is ever the cool little man he had always been. He amazes me his amount of empathy. Especially considering many people think kids on the spectrum are not cuddly. Such a myth!!! He always wants to hug, kiss, and show me extra love when need it the most. Anyhow, we do have a problem teaching him that pets and siblings are not toys. He can be rough but he is never mean! He loves to piggy back Cally (which is an issue size wise) and tosses Rachel into the air when they practice swing dancing. The biggest problem is Henry the kitten. He thinks that is his stuffed animal. That cat's patience is amazing!!! He never minds it. Tonight Harmon put Henry in his back pack and wanted to take him to SAMs Club. That was a problem. Henry was a great sport and Harm made a promise to not put living creatures in his back pack ;).



Cally is Cally. He is just one easy going cool dude. Rachel and Harmon are very intense Cally is all about chilling. His love is music and he loves these toys called thing-a-mi-jigs that sing. He sings with them. When he is not singing though he loves to talk, to everything and anyone. His toys, people at stores, himself, the wall, etc. the issue is he won't make certain sounds though including F's, Z's, R's, Th's, and S's. It gives him the best weirdest cutest dialect ever. He talks with such enthusiasm but if you don't speak Cally, you might be very confused. For example when you ask him to buzz like a bee he goes "nerrrhhhh..." with a big deep throaty sound. I'm so happy I understand him because he says the funniest things. For example I asked him tonight if he was going to build houses like daddy. He replied, "I will build nicer houses than daddy! I will build castles like the beast! He than said "Beast and I look the same we wear ponytails!!!!". He than once more proceeded to roar: AARGH! as humanly loud as possible and than said happily "goodbye" and ran off. It was awesome!



This has been one of the hardest times in my life but it is my kids and husband that keep my spirits up! Being a mom is the hardest thing I've ever done but it is my greatest treasure. My kids are wonderful! They brighten me everyday. It has been hard being away in the hospital these last few times and when I'm sick and just have to lay down in the room at night by myself. I miss perhaps more than they miss me :p. I told the neurologist yesterday that we have to fix this pain. I can't live my life in half and I don't want to miss my time with these guys!



One last note. Thank you to all my dear friends who have been helping us. I can on Facebook we could use a home cooked meal and there is more friends volunteering than there were nights this week. I could not keep everything together without such support! Miriam has been in the trenches just showing these kids nonstop love when I just can't be there. Chris sits and edits my work for grammar and is just filling in blanks lately. This week he made a renewed effort in our home and in our marriage. It has been so hard but we have laughed more these last few days than we have in years. Family, friends, and my internet pals really have been supportive. The challenges are big but I'm not alone and I'm so grateful for that.
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The kids are going to College next year!!

Lately I've been so busy working, doing my rehab, and everything else, that I needed Chris to take over some of the serious parenting things going on. After all we say we are co-parents so it was time we acted like that. With two Special Needs children there are always decisions to be made and issues to be solved. I've handled most of this on my own but it was time for Chris to take over half of this.

So two of his first official acts as leader were attending Harm's IEP meetings (which he did great with) two weeks ago on his own. He also decided, with help from educators at the IEP, on a very strict Prep Pre-k instead of doing the Fine Arts route I had wanted. I think I'm okay with it b/c the school is well-equipped to handle special needs kids and they want to take all three children all day (which will be convenient for me).

Still I find the idea of "college prep" for 3-5 year olds hilarious! Seriously? The place is even called College Heights! Chris was so excited that he camped out at 7 am on enrollment morning to get the kids accepted last Saturday. He was the 3rd in line (no way was I going out in the cold). The school's official goal is college preparation. I guess now if the kids can only get into Harvard, but not Yale at least we will have someone to blame.

I No Talkz Good Theze Dazes!

This week we have had several good things happen that I have wanted to share on my blog with everyone (Cally made the paper, Rachel taught me the difference between a pee pee and a wee wee, etc). Honestly, though I've just been really really tired so I've not been sharing much this week or been doing other internet activities.

Part of it also is that I realize I'm not writing very well these days either. I've always been a little scattered in my writing with dyslexia but now being so tired from everything, it seems like cohesive sentences are quite the challenge. While I don't mind writing like "I Can Haz Cheesburger", I can't imagine anyone enjoy reading the mess. So this weekend hopefully I will catch up on blogging without offending anyone who appreciates the art of grammar!

Until than happy Friday! Tomorrow is Caturday :) While I still will be working it will be nice having my hubby and critters around and be hanging out in my sweats this weekend!

Double Your Fun while still being in Harm's way!!!

When I was first pregnant I joined a message board. Something I never had done. Now I'm on three (when I can be online not working) and it is a great way to learn about things about being a parent and sharing in challenges. One thing though is that I became aware how people view people more. I guess I'm a little nieve but I learned leashes on children were a big no no. Sweats through out the day, pigtails for mom and daughter at the same time, badly coordinated family pictures, matchy outfits for your boys, matchy outfits for your twins, etc. all are faux pauxs and all things I happen to do on occasion. Obviously I don't always care what other's think :p

One useful thing I did become aware of was that sometimes twin parents get really caught up in the experience of twins and they are not as mindful as they should of their other child (children). I guess the same thing could be said if you were a mom who dreamed of a girl and had boys first and than a girl (my husband was in this scenario and will always call his little sister who was born just after him "pet" b/c his mom was just overjoyed with Cami's arrival after 3 boys). The controversy with twins come because they naturally garner a lot of attention. People in stores will ignore Harm's existence and lavish the twins with comments and attention. In argument of it I think it has made me try harder not to just have "twin time". I don't want Harm feeling left out.

I realized though, Harm gets to do things they don't get to do and has had special times they will never have. He has traveled everywhere, got to have me as a "stay at home mom", later got to go to work with me everyday, etc. It goes back to the idea fair isn't the same thing for everyone.

So I've started taking the twins out just as twins. They love their little leashes and they are very mellow so I can handle them. Tomorrow I'm taking them to breakfast (while Chris and Harmon embark on an odder but nevertheless adventure of their own). It is fun seeing how they interact when they are alone together and it is fun interacting just the three of us. I think it is another important thing for us, especially as I'm more busy and home less. Next year they start pre-k probably 8:30 to 1 or 2. I'm not getting this special time back. So I'm doubling my fun here and there, while still making sure Harm is also having his special time.