No More Babies!?!?

Friday I was with Rachel in one of her last (Gymboree style) music classes before she starts school and transitions to more formal after-school activities.  Two of my guy friends who work on Rachel's Early Intervention team were reminiscing with me about when the twins were babies and how it is so sad they are getting bigger.  No more babies they said.  That is when I replied, "I can always have one more baby".
       

It was a very odd honest moment for me.  I don't think in my mind I've ever imagined or wanted one more kid.  But for that one moment I thought in my mind: oh it would be so much fun to be pregnant, to hold a squishy newborn, and have one more bouncing infant in a excersaucer as I worked on a report, smiling at me.  Cute baby toes and first smiles, it all came back and for the first time since I had the twins I wanted just one more chance for this opportunity! 

That moment was fleeting.  Just as soon as I thought that and said it I realized oh HELL no!  I love my instant family.  The three kids are very close and it just works for us.  They are all best friends.  In a couple of years we will be taking them to Disney and when they are in high school hopefully Europe.  The boys can be on the same sports team most of the time and I have ample time to do Rachel's dance.  Since they are all the same age, we can do so much.


Personally, I have professional goals I've put on hold to get my kids to kindergarten and more independent.  I like sleeping.  I didn't sleep through the night for 3 straight years.  The biggest reason I feel good in that choice of being done is because emotionally they already stretch me.  As the baby needs go away and the emotional support needs start coming in I realize how much I'm going to need to be there for each one as an individual.  I want them each to know both Chris and I are there for them about anything.  My friend who is a child social worker calls it a circle of security or in other words being there with them so when they want to venture away they know I am waiting there watching, and when they come back I'm there ready for them.  That is being there is harder than I think I ever thought it would be.

Even though I won't be having more squishy babies it was good for me to feel this way for  just a minute.  It reminded me of how important it is to appreciate what I have when I have it.  Time is flying and the toddlers they are today are amazing!  I need to appreciate that more.  Next month I will be having a major reconstructive surgery that includes a hysterectomy.  It is a very final act, but I knew this all along.  I almost lost my babies because my body couldn't handle the pregnancy.  I spent months in the hospital pregnant and than 2 months in a NICU seeing the twins struggle.  All that time poor Harmon was at home not understanding any of this.  We are blessed and frankly very lucky to have the kids I have.  Now it is all about moving forward as a family together and loving every moment together.

Extreme Sales Shopping!

I have had some friends message me and ask me more about my obsessive sale shopping so this is post 1 of 2 on it.  


This is a sample of what I got this season between the two best sale times which were right after Christmas in January and the Summer Clearance which was today.  Don't worry the toys are not all for my kids!  (We plan on donating 2/3 at Christmas time).

  

When "Extreme Couponing" was popular I was too busy to find coupons.  But I learned a lot of lessons from that show and from other money saving websites.  The lessons that has helped me most mainly was about cycling.  Walmart, K-Mart, and Target all have cycles.  It is sort of a game of chicken.  They start marking down and they will keep marking down.  The trick is to buy before what I really wants sells out but still getting it at the lowest price possible.  This is an outline of how the stores cycle through old merchandise.


Target
Each has a preliminary sales price and after normally a two week period the stores will double sale something.  Target goes from 30% to 60% and than to 80%.  There is also a coveted 90% clearance for Holiday stuff but honestly that just disappears in like 5 minutes.  I've only nailed this sale once.  Saturday and Thursday tend be mark down days.   For holiday sales they adjust prices every 3 days so day after is 50% and than by day 7 it is normally 75% off.  For departments like toys and housewares the patience required is more.  It normally double discounted only 2 wks after it has initially been discounted.  


My Target finally did their 75% to 80% on toys.  They held off for three weeks this time on certain items to do it all at once today.  These are the days I get everything for the holidays.  In January I was in Albuquerque and hit their 75% day scoring some Thomas Train sets worth $80 and $55 for $25 and $18.  This will be our boy's big gifts.  On the other hand I bought Rachel's Strawberry Shortcake Cafe at only 30% off because I learned the hard way last year girls toys tend not to last on clearance long and since she likes less stocked things like My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake there is just less inventory and it goes fast.  Dora and Thomas are always more plentiful than Smurfs b/c they are more popular.

Walmart:
They are random.  Unlike Target and K-Mart that isolate their sale section Walmart first clearances their things right in with everything else.  It takes to have eagle eyes.  Their discounts are steep though and they often don't ever double mark down.  My favorite part with them is they have random sale sections.  Each store gets them and they are normally in the garden area.  It is like having to dig through massive piles of crap but you find great things.  Rachel is getting an Ariel light & music bath Barbie worth $25 on sale for $5.  We got Dance Star Mickey last year and Dora We Did It for under $20 when both sold during the holidays for $75 and $50.  This is a great place if you don't mind digging.


K-Mart
K-Mart is ridiculously priced for everything and I don't like their quality in genral but I do like their sales!  For Rachel I scored her big gifts there.  In our town they put a sign that says "Whole Store is On Sale" and they mean it.  This is when I grab sheets, swim stuff, towels, and toys.  The deal is they have a clearance price and than it is 50% off the clearance price.  So if the sales price is $5 for a decent towel I'm paying $2.50.  Jewelry is pretty solid.  I like to get Rachel her gold studs for her ears their since we go through a few pairs a year.  Post-Christmas is my favorite.  A wreath is a wreath and they often go 80% on things like that.


My clothing
I have unique body type and so the best clothes I buy are more unusual shops.  I always look like a kid playing dress up at Kohls so I look at stores like Anne Taylor, Abercrombie, Down East Basics, etc are where I get my stuff.  Of course those places are WAY OVER PRICED so as I mentioned the other day is to buy out of season.  This is where signing up for online notification comes in handy.  I get spammed each day but every now and again I get that golden email: take 50% off all clothes already discounted and receive free shipping.  That is when I buy!  The bad part is I have to be prepared to wait a year to wear.  I buy my Summer in the winter and winter in the Summer.  Yesterday I bought a bathing suit online.  It will probably come right before labor day.  It's a bikini.  I plan to be in good shape next year to wear it.


Chris' Clothing
Chris gets his stuff at Penney's and Dillards.  Penney's is awesome for Father's Day.  They have these really great sales on Stafford no iron button down shirts and since we don't own an iron that is important. For his shoes I go to Ross b/c he loves Doc Martins.   For my shoes I find Marshalls to be awesome.  I like brands like Born and Clarks which are really orthopedic.   After Christmas and just after Labor day Dillards slashes all their prices.  That is when I get Chris' other clothing.  I get nice brands for usually 60-70% off. 


Shoes
 For Chris' shoes I go to Ross b/c he loves Doc Martins.   For my shoes I find Marshalls to be awesome.  I like brands like Born and Clarks which are really orthopedic.  Dillards clearances their women's shoes are great though, I've gotten Dansko shoes going for $110 for $20 during that time.  Children's shoes are where I go to Kohls.  Kohls has great priced and good quality kids shoes.  I always wait for their $10 off any $20 purchase coupons that are often in the newspaper.  


Kid's clothing
We get the kids stuff at Children's Place mostly with a little Gymboree outlet.  I hate when I buy things from other places and it looks just faded and cheap after a couple of washings.  Children's Place, and Gymboree always have online coupons weekly and there are some that are great.  You combine those with the already discounted merchandise and you start getting $20 for $5 (this is why Rachel has a ton of dresses).  


I love the outlet malls.  If you leave your kids at home, and bring your coupons you leave with great finds.  You really have tear apart the sale sections and just hunt.  I like both of these stores because they bring in Fall stuff in July so I can buy Summer stuff super clearances by June.  The trick is I come in once and get a crap load of stuff.  Their emails notify me when all of the stuff is being clearances and than the double clearances.  Often double clearance comes like on a Monday and than they put it back to single clearance.


So this is my secret to sales shopping.  Hope it helps.  Best wishes, unless I'm shopping against you.

Man on fire, come dance with me!

Many people comment to me how much I've changed since the accident.  I doubt it is that it is that evident in my blogs, or maybe it is.  I don't mean to be different.  It is just that life is different. I guess today I just felt like I need to talk about it.

On that last day in March in just one second everything in my life changed.  I still have nightmares and anxiety over what happened.  I shouldn't have lived but I did.  I get scared doing things I never did.  Up until now I thought I was immortal.  I've had my close calls with death but I never took death very seriously.  Now I do take it seriously.  The physical toll of my injuries have also been hard.  My life changed overnight and its hard because I don't know how to be "me" anymore. 

It is odd because when I was small I saw my sister go through a difficult wreck.  I was just 11 yrs old.  I didn't understand why she had such a tough time with things for a while, but now I get it.  I wish I could have shown her more love and support.

The strain an accident puts on your marriage and your work is hard.  Life doesn't stop because you stopped.  I mourn the times I missed with my kids with all the doctors and the days spent in the hospital.  I'm just starting to understand the pressures that were put under Chris while I was in an ICU and getting out of the hospital.  I get mad thinking why didn't people help him through this.  I wish more people had come out and taken some of the burden off Miriam.  She was putting in 60-65 hr weeks just to give our kids a sense of normality.  Those were really hard days.  I felt so much pressure to get back into the thick of things but I couldn't.  I was hopped out on drugs and just trying my best but I had a brain bleed and broken bones.  My hands were tied.

One of the hard things for me has been the isolation.  I have had friends and family seem very hurt by me because I've missed events like birthday parties.  I don't think they realize how I'm still having a difficult time post-accident.  I get headaches, a lot of follow up and still a lot of exhaustion.  I wish they would think, "feel better, next year you will be there!" instead of being hard on me.  It is weird because I'll have family or friends who come into town and they won't even ask me how I'm doing.  They act like nothing happened to me.  That is the most hurtful.  I don't know why they act like this and I doubt they do it on purpose, but it is still sad for my heart.

There were people who did step up and for that I will be grateful.  We had so many nice people bring meals for example.  One mom's group I belonged to, pooled money and got us some meal delivery from Schwans which was a life saver another got together and sent cards.  I had two friends who would send their daughters to the house to let Miriam off of work early. Those girls just inspire me :)  I have a friend from UT who just randomly calls me through out all of this just to see how I am.  Everyone at HB went and helped me  do March of Dimes this year.  These things all meant the world to me.  The biggest treat was my mother.  We have had times where we are close and times when we were not as close.  Not out of a lack of love but circumstance.  My mother was here every day when I was in the hospital and every week when I got out of the hospital.  She cheered me up and loved my babies.  I'm so grateful for her.

I hope this hasn't seemed like one big whiney blog!  I don't mean it to be.  I guess part of it is for my children.  So they could really know what my life was like and how I'm just getting through it one day at a time.  I will get through it!  Things are already a lot better already.  I have one more operation in August and than I'm done.  I plan on being healthy for a very long time.  My goal for 2013 and 2014 is no IV's.  I went all of 2010 and most of 2011 with out one so it is possible!  But this is a time in my life and it has been one of the darkest.  When my kids have dark times like this I want them to know I've been there and like I'm enduring this, they can get through whatever faces them.

One of my favorite songs is by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeroes.  It is called "Man on Fire".  The song is just heartbreakingly beautiful. The lyrics goes as follows:

I’m a man on fire
Walking through your street
With one guitar
And two dancing feet
Only one desire
That’s left in me
I want the whole damn world
To come dance with me

Come dance with me
Over murder and pain
Come and set you free
Over heartache and shame
Come dance with me

So if you know me, please be patient with me.  I've walked through Hell these last few months.  Life will never be as it was but it will be good.  Good things are happening but during these dark times, that is when we need others the most.  

Sales Cycle Obsession and Target!

I have a confession to make... the people at Target here in Cruces know exactly who I am.  They put things on sale at certain times for certain cycles, and the employees have told me exactly when that happens.  So on sale days (especially 70% off days) I'm there eating popcorn and stalking them as they put the lovely red clearance tags on all their lovely goodies.

So how did this all start?  Well after living a vow of poverty in college I moved to Las Vegas and I learned that I liked nice stuff.  But as what happens to anyone who spends their college years studying Theater I still wasn't in good shape to get those lovely nice things.  That is when I learned the art of buying off season.  I started shopping for my Abercrombie clothes in July when they clearance redlines 75% for Summer and in February for my winter clothing.  Several nice stores follow this same style sales patterns ranging from Jan-Feb or June-July.  The trick is timing it just right.



When we had Harmon and the economy turned to crap over night this became a whole new ball game!  Suddenly with our pay being lowered and I was facing unpaid maternity leave Chris and I were broker than broke.  Several wonderful friends helped us by giving gently used nice clothing and baby basic equipment.  But it was frustrating not being able to buy anything cute for our little guy.  Just buying groceries was hard.  Than when we moved here and started HB from scratch we were in even worse shape.  I had to pretty much deck a lady on Black Friday at Toys R Us for a doorbuster.  We only had $20 that Christmas and it was his one gift.  But we got it and that was 50%.  It is still his beloved v-tech bus!  They were playing with it today.


Time has progressed and things are better financially but the tricks I learned back in those old days have become an art.  Miriam calls it my "extreme sales shopping".  Like we will look at a sweater and it was originally $115 and I got it for $20.  That was a high five.  I've gotten to know the nice people at Gymboree and Children's Place really well.  They give me all the best coupons and show me the best deals.  I even get email warnings from them like a drug dealer: "Hey Francisca, we are marking down the flower collection today.  So the kids clothing is always nice and I never pay more than if I got it at Walmart.  For example I got 5 full gymboree fall outfits for $45 and it included the ever need pairs of jeans.  My best extreme sales find was last fall I bought new sheets and quilts for all 5 beds in our home for $120.  That was my Target 70% off bedding sales.  


We even shop for our vacations that way.  For example we always go to the Caribbean during Hurricane season (early on to reduce likely hood) because the tickets and amenities are about 40% cheaper than during the peak season.  Bargain hunting really gets addictive b/c you start enjoying things you wouldn't otherwise.

So now sadly at the Cakes home we have bought everyones winter and fall wardrobes.  We even have all our Halloween costumes and fall decorations.  I'm in that sad time frame between sales.  I am just starting on my summer stuff for next year as well.  All the Christmas gifts are bought and ready to go with my Target 70% off spree.  I got my cremes at Bath and Body Works till January and their next semi-annual sell and did the same at Victoria's Secret.  Sale shopping is such a fun exciting treasure hunting time  for me but my husband teases me for it because we often have things sitting in closets or the garage for months.  It is always used though and I always feel joy in knowing I got good stuff and saved so much money.

Time for College!!!!

The papers are all signed and the kids are doing orientation visits next week.  My babies are just not babies!!!!  AHHH!!!!!

So we decided to go with the formal fancy pre-k after all.  I really wanted the fine arts one where the kids could dance tap and ballet all day long and sing and all those arts things I love.  But I asked Chris to take ownership and he actually camped out for it!  Everyone I speak with loves the school and I really think it is gonna be good.  


With that said this is hard on me.  They are very formal and strict and I'm not.  I asked if I could "kidnap" them here or there for a fun day and was told that missing time ruins their academic continuity so the answer is no.  Their manual is all about things like this.  Lovies are of the devil.  It socially-emotionally holds them from succeeding the manual stated.  I already fear I will end up in the principals office with these guys on the first week.  I think Chris is right, with my free spirit the kids will have a good balance.

It seems a little odd to me but I think I'm just still biased in my heart.  Part of me is sad they are moving on and growing up.  I will miss them.  All this I've wanted time to myself b/c it is so hard working and trying to balance being a mommy but now that the time is here I'm going to miss it so much.  I'm gonna miss Miriam and I'm sad she won't be there for them every day.  She loves them and I just don't think any one else will show them that love.  And they won't.  She will always be part of their lives.  They love her and even though she won't be here every day she will still be family.  


This is what my mom teases me about "passages".  It that changing of time that deep down it hurts our heart but they are the changes that make life progress.  I remember when we left Vegas and started HB I was heartbroken but it has taken me places I never would have gone.  Now we are on the cusp of something else new and wonderful.  The kids are ecstatic.  The school is great we are going to attend (even though I tease about it a lot).  I think it is us adults who are taking this change a little hard.

I left my heart in San Francisco ...

And fell in love a little more along the way!!!  We had a quick long weekend in San Francisco and it was so much fun.  More importantly though it was romantic and reconnecting for us!

For the trip redux, we killed ourselves and had a great time doing it!!!  It was so fun!!!  It was one thing after another.  In 3 days it was: little Italy, street fun, theater at the Orpheum with Les Miserables, Cable Cars, going down big hills, Muir Woods, Salsilito, Ghost Tour of Pacific Heights, bay cruise, and of course a goodbye lunch on the wharf.  The best of the trip is hard to say.  The food is amazing!!!!  I love great food.  We got to just do a lot of the arts and I love the water.  I've been all over the world and this is just my favorite place.

The best part really though wasn't anything that we did or bought.  This has been a crummy year and it has been hard on Chris and I.  Just spending time together like we did was very special.  It has been a really hard year on me, but one thing I hadn't realized is how hard it has been on my husband.  We argued a little but we came home a with a better understanding of our own personal Hell that has been this year.  I didn't realize how bad things were for him at work; and I should know this but I didn't.  The pressure he has felt trying to be Superman at the office and at home with me recovering was devastating to him.  I guess I have been sort of caught up in my own world and hadn't really thought about this enough.  He realized some of the things I've been going through and why I get frustrated with him.  He hadn't walked a lot in my shoes either and it has been hard for me.  I think it was a an eye opener for both of us and it made us realize how we need to be more there for one another.

Trips are fun.  Restaurants are good.  The ocean is WONDERFUL!!!  But really the biggest reason why we have always done these trips is b/c it gives us a chance to turn off the cell phones, drop the babies off at Gualita's, and really figure out who each other is.  We kiss, we get romantic, and we reconnected.  The storms are coming again but we were blessed with just a really sweet beautiful time to have some fun and get on the same page.  That was the best part.

The Summer of Blah!

I wish I could say I was missing in action from action in blogging b/c I was busy jet setting through France...

Yeah, that is so not the truth.  We have had a rough few weeks.  I got a chest infection that was pretty serious.  The kids got a few sun burns.  Chris has been off the planet...  All in all it has been just a few weeks of blah :(  Nevertheless it is time to get it into gear!


There has been good things going on!  Callum is 1/2 way through the potty training process and he is so proud of himself!!!  Harmon has been such an amazing leader at home and has been such my little helper.  He is doing great with his speech class at NMSU with his teacher Miss Tess.  Finally Rachel has been killing it in the pool.  I can't believe it but she can jump off diving boards and hold her breath for 30 seconds.  I'm proud of all of them!  

This is our last Summer until they go into school and after that they will be in programs year round.  This is sort of our last hurrah with them being home with me.  So hopefully the 2nd part of the Summer will be better than this first half has been!  The kids got formally accepted into the pre-k program Chris had camped out early for.  So we are in really good shape.