UGH... Valentines...

It's interesting because despite achieving my life long goal of being the crazy old single lady across the street with two many cats I never seem to be alone on Valentines.   Of the 15 yrs since I was 18 I've had a boy for a good 12 of those years.  But that's not the point.  Together or alone there is something about this holiday that sucks for me.

This year is no different.  I know my husband loves me but ever since we got together it has always been a stressful working day.  I remember our first Valentines 8 yrs ago he bought me gold earrings and Bob our cat ate one of them.  That night we both had classes and work until 9:00 pm and with him in construction that meant it was home for him and straight to bed.  Since than Valentines is always been about extended family (we have the most awesome niece born that day who is having her LDS Baptism that day.)  As much as I hate to admit it I'm never going to get swept off my feet by that man.  He is just not that way.  He loves me but I will always be somewhere in between the kids, the company, his cell phone and NetFlix.   That's how modern marriage I feel is these days.  We don't have time for Cinderella balls and gestures because we're all to busy dealing with real life and trying to stay sane.

So this year I'm officially canceling the expectations of love and romance.  I'll admit I was raised to be a romantic at heart and screw the Disney princess lies, I'm not going to succumb to them any longer!  My friend was selling Valentines buckets as a fundraiser for her gym team kids.  So I got that.  I might go and pick up a gun for Chris because he wants one.  Otherwise I'm done.  I will not make Hallmark rich.  I will not pretend that I will have grand romance or even appreciation for all I do.  I will probably be studying about prostitutes that day (my thesis project).  Yes, I'm grumpy but I don't care.  Low expectations means low disappointment.  For now, I quit.

Ready for T-Ball?

I truly HATE T-Ball.  I know I shouldn't.  It's a child sport and there are families all over this country, including dear sweet friends of mine who are all out proud of their children in T-Ball.  It's America's game and thus should be treated as such.  I don't agree with that.  It is a game that lasts sometimes two hours where I sit with high wind blowing dust into my hair and not even a concession guy to sell me a hotdog, popcorn, and nachos.  The season starts with cold freezing weather and ends with hot hot miserable heat.  

But this year is different.  Because THANK HEAVEN's Harmon quit.  I'm actually really proud of Chris b/c he finally allowed him to quit.  Harm and T-Ball were not the best of friends.  While Harm is very talented in sports when it comes to brute strength and flexibility his eye-hand coordination is not his forte.  The worse part about T-Ball for me was that I had to see day in and day out Harm alone in the dug out (our team had one extra player and that left Harm alone where I often would sneak him ice cream or other treats when the coaches were not looking) and he only batted maybe twice in a game.

This year the player is Call Bell.  He has only played soccer but he is a total superstar at it.  He is one fast little guy and his eye hand coordination is just killer.  He is just wicked in team sports so I'm hoping this year will not be the Hakes kid alone in the dug out.  I'm excited for him because HE REALLY WANTS TO DO IT and if he wants it than I want it.  I love him so much and seeing him shine makes me glow.  So this year it shall be something beautiful hopefully, and if he is happy I will bear all the horribleness that is T-Ball happily.

Oh and I just found these old soccer photos and so I figured I would share them.  Rachel in what might have been her first and very last team sport.  Gosh she is is cute and so is Callum.

Kids first :p

I miss the days of diapers and no sleep!  Did I just say that? Yup!  As the mom of 2 five year olds and one barely 7 year old I can easily confess that this is not easy.  

My twins are going two very different directions.  Callum in sports and Rachel with dance and gym.  I love seeing this.  The problem though is that this makes things very difficult because now the days when my babies had nothing now we have t-ball.  It's always easier just doing gym so we are all together the whole time.  We literally are all scheduled 6 days a week for children's activities.  Next month my goal is to start my kids in Hebrew school at the Chabad and that means we will be booked 7 of 7 days.  Oy vey.  

Emotionally they both are going through different stages as well.  Rachel and Callum are both growing and becoming very social but they are struggling with comparisons and rivalry.  Their teachers and I know and understand that they are both two individuals and no two humans are alike.  Callum is excelling in books and math.  Rachel in art and other pursuits.  While the teachers and I don't ever compare they compare to one another.  Callum will tease quite a bit.  This is a delicate balance between teaching and just downright punishing.  I'm thinking next year in school it is time to separate them in school and other things.

Harm continues to excel academically and socially but at gym he is struggling with teasing for the first time.  The older boys tease him because on the gym floor Harm delights in the mundane like conditioning and the older boys think that is pretty dweebs.  This has been a great learning experience for him!!!!  He is learning to be tough and not let theses children bring him down,  on the other hand I worry about him dominating his classmates.  He runs bets he knows he will win for money.  He sells lunch items from home for money and toys.  Yup, you can tell which of my children is a native Las Vegan!  This takes a lot of redirection and love.  I'm proud of him but we don't need a little Steve Wynn or Sheldon Addleson in the playground.

This leads to the mere fact that they all need me more.  They need hugs, refereeing, one on one time, heart to hearts, and goodnight songs and they need all these things every single day!  At times like this I feel like the easy thing is my electronic associates!  iPads, iPhones, DVDs, and DVR are easy assistants but no replacement for having s real mother with hugs, and kisses.  So I try earnestly each day to live by my promise their needs come before my work and I pray the rest will fall into place.  Of course it doesn't all get done.  I've cooked a single week night since school started.  I do laundry only by emergency!  Which means I can do get away every two weeks or so.  But the kids feel the love and that in life is what matters.

Harmon's first book! Camp creeper trip

I promise you none of this book had my help.  I have been so busy writing my own stuff that Harmon decided he wanted to be like me and did this all on his own!   I could not be more proud of my little mini me😍

Pictures and story by Harmon Hakes

One day a herdof creepers were walking afar camp creeper trip. Tons of creepers do it. The scoutmaster was old or older man and his Royal creeper was right next to him in line.  The creepers wore numbers on them there was seven. The one in the back was the funny and a little smarty. Everybody picked on him.

When they got there they set up their tents had dinner. Set up their sleeping bags went to the fire while they told stories. People played then they went to bed. 

The next day they woke up and went to get breakfast. The last creeper only got 2X. Then they talked about all their adventures. They called him an idiot. He went exploring by himself for one hour.

Later our hero Brian found out their camp. He wanted to get kill all the creepers there. He decided that he should make a T&T block so he did.

Later at lunch time the left out creeper saw a big red things.  He tells the scoutmaster but the scoutmaster doesn't listen.  So he goes to lunch.

The left out creeper recognizes that red stuff and so he runs away.

The TNT explodes and the other creepers die.

Harmon Hakes was born on January 17 when he was six and seven he got inspired in Minecraft so he started Minecraft books and comics he always enjoyed them.

Look for more adventures!

I'm dreaming of a Vegas Christmas...

When I first went to Las Vegas I remember two strong feelings.  I couldn't believe how magical it was, sitting at a neon ridden McDonalds across from the Stratosphere and how somehow it felt like I was home.  Now 15 years later those two feelings have never changed.

With everything that happened with my mom I obviously didn't feel like spending Christmas in the Southwest.  Thanksgiving was just completely miserable, but it was my in laws holiday.  Since we split holidays that Christmas was mine and I went home.  It was so much fun (even though I had the flu).  Yeah we did tourist things like see the gardens at Bellagio and even for my first time ever visit the Las Vegas Sign because seeing my kids discover Las Vegas makes it magical all over again.  To Chris' disdain we still always see the Coca-Cola/M&M stores etc.  The kids never tire or them.  After all we live in a town with more cows than people.

The best part was also just being a local.  My sister Eliza made up her house, planned a beautiful Christmas dinner, and just made us feel so comfortable.  She would have spent the holiday alone working so I was so happy we could all be together.  She has always been my BFF.  Than of course there was my other BFF's Jaime and Kattie and my adopted mom Bobbie.  No matter how many years it has been since we moved this is still home in my heart and the distance between friends has never changed our relationships.

Oh and I got to torture Chris with Harmon by talking about this Damn Trip!  And Damn Tour!  And don't forget the Damn Movie!

The Magical World of Harmon Potter...

Something strange and wonderful happened last year at school with Harm.  He went from being the trouble maker to the class overachiever.  I was so proud of him.  Even with this I just wasn't prepared for what would follow this year!

Yup that is my boy wonder reading book four of Harry Potter.  I quiz him after every book and this last book, book 4, he got an 89% on his Spark Notes quiz.  I've always thought he was so much like Chris and he is in many ways but I now see my mini-me.  He is getting so deep into his books, he dresses up, makes art, and writes his own fan fiction.

When I look at old posts with experts wondering if he is autistic, I just can't help but smile!  He was a tough baby and tot but now that he has the power to build things with legos, jump around crazy at gym, and read his books that boy is easy peasy to parent.  He is my little boy wonder.

Ohana...

(Me in first grade wearing the outfit we sewed together)

This year we spent Christmas in Las Vegas.  I loved it!  If I have more time tonight I will share some pictures and more details.  Still, even with distance, I missed my mother so much!  That is really why we left and to be honest when a major holiday comes and Chris' family doesn't have dibs I would rather be there than here.

When I came home I had to keep my promise to William and my dad by cleaning out everything that was my moms and together we decided what needed to be kept.  I finished that task on Thursday.  It was heart crushing (and not just because she was hoarder).  I really don't have words to describe what it is like to go through every hand written note I had ever written her.  Every single outfit she had kept of ours, every halloween costume, every picture, every outfit she wore and cleaning up the bloody clothing I found she had worn the night the ambulance got her.  It was like her whole life's treasures were all either thrown in the trash, stuck into closets, or boxed for Goodwill.  There was no doubt that my best friend is gone from this earth and no matter how hard I might wish her back she isn't coming home.

I still have a family, and I have to remember that.  While the heart has broken we are restitching the fabric.  My half siblings, who I love but don't often see have been around more.  I still can't believe they all traveled down for the funeral and again at the holidays.  My dad is doing surprisingly well.  I am proud of his strength and proud of my brother William for caring for them.  As hard as it is to see the house without my mom's stuff, I'm proud of them for rebuilding.  My local half brother and his partner Diane helped see William through to graduation by helping dad.  They've been there every
step of the way.

(My final semester at UT she came down for Halloween)

As I move on the pain doesn't get better, but I put it on a shelf and walk away from it.  I have always had unshakeable faith in God, but I still don't get why she had to go.  It's hard to feel close to God through all this.  I guess the old Jewish lady in me, feels comfortable asking God why and I imagine one day I will feel the answer or maybe she will tell me on the other side of it.  In the mean time I just have thrown myself into parenting, and into work until I can sit and feel the pain with out it breaking me.

(In High School during a speech tournaments trip to Houston)

Tonight we watched Lilo and Stitch.  I was reminded of Ohana!  It's true in family no one is ever left behind or forgotten.  I will never ever forget any memory of my mother and I.  She is me and I was her.  I looked through all the old pictures of us and I share them with my kids.  On the 9th my father celebrated his 75th birthday and I gathered all their old photos and scrapbooked them.  Last night when I gave him we both smiled and cried.  Her hoarding might be gone, but she will never be forgotten.

(Middle School with my crazy brother and mom during the holidays)

(A home game at UT with my mom visiting)

Rachel is busy Flipping Out!

I mean seriously that is all Rachel does all day: FLIP OUT!!!  She does back flips, front flips, and cartwheels every place she is at.  I can't stop her.

It's funny because I teach dance and so I automatically want her to be a dancer.  She loves dancing with me and attends every class I teach but her heart is in gym.  If they would let her she would take back to back classes every afternoon.  I still fuss and worry about her with every class.  I worry about her lack of coordination she has when she is even momentarily distracted. The bars, the beams, the rings, everything is so big and she is so small.  I think sometimes this is God's way of making me trust him.

Nothing I could do would ever take the gym out of Rachel so I just have to have faith she will be okay.  Still I love when she is safely on the ground dancing but she will always be jumping for the stars right after.

Move Over Beckham and Renaldo...

We have Callum!  So as I often write gym is an ever-present part of our lives with our tiny gym bugs Rachel and Harmon.  Callum is doing great in gym.  He even earned a spot on the team fast track but this was the fall where we found out the truth about our little man.

He is a natural born soccer player.  We won entire games with him being the only person who scored. I really am amazed how coordinated he is and how fast.  He is shorter than other boys his age and I wonder if that gives him an advantage because he like this little rocket.

So this Spring Harm will be once more forced into T-Ball with a weeping wailing and gnashing of teeth but on the other hand we will have tiny Beckham playing soccer again and maybe t-ball.  He maybe small and like penguins, but secretly he is a rocket in disguise.

Let the insanity begin!

I'm getting to the point where at the start of January and August rather than excitedly looking forward to all my new classes I feel rather that I'm about to face-plant off a cliff.

It started this last week with the University reopening after being closed for the holidays and the gym re-opening as well.  The kids started school as well.  Sometimes I wish I could just stay home like we did for two weeks.  It was so nice and peaceful.  I love my work both at the university and at the gym but it is incredibly time consuming and while school is hard, I know working towards my goals are important too.

The sad truth is that if I worked less Chris would probably be on my case more at home (than he already is) about cleaning and other past times I dislike.  If you ask him me and the kids have been too lazy for his taste.  Financially we would also suffer.  So it's back to the grind!  I will miss the joy of having time to paint my toes with Rachel and build legos with Harm or just staying in bed late watching house flipping shows with Cally.

No matter what I do finding time to be a mom first is always my priority.  I guess in a perfect world the rest would follow easily.  Of course it's not perfect and that's life!