Remembering Daddy's Day and a cold Coke!

I ended up on some Coke commercials doing advertising research.  This was always one of my favorites.  Cute reminder of Father's Day.




This was a hard weekend for me.  I've not been feeling well with my head.  Moreover though I found out another friend of mine, my age, had her husband die from some really sad circumstances.  Their baby boy just turned one.  She shared a picture with her husband last year holding his new baby and the caption "First Father's Day".  A year later they are saying good bye to him.  Life isn't too fair sometimes...

For all the craziness and of course love Chris adds to our lives I am grateful to him.  I am grateful he is here and he cares.  Marriage is not easy and nor is being a parent.  I think the hardest part about life is simply enduring faithfully.  While each of as parents and spouses stumble it is the idea of going forward and to keep trying.  Chris does that.  He is filled with love and at the end of the day that is what matters.

So Chris Happy Father's Day!  I'm glad you are part of the team and I love you (and so do they).  I'll drink to you any time with my large 20 oz (soon to be banned in NYC) Coca-Cola!

Chris' own form of insanity: CAMPING!

I don't really think I can think of anything worse than packing all my stuff, my kids stuff, taking them out to the wilderness, slathering on bug spray, and sleeping on the ground a tent.  I spent 12 days in a hospital this year.  That is enough roughing it in my opinion... Back in my single days I loved camping on the beach but it isn't my thing (especially with 3 kids, one still in diapers).  Not Chris' though...

Yes, the strange man I married (and love) has this FABULOUS idea (note sarcasm) to take my three spoiled kids into the wilderness.  Well actually he only planned on taking the boys but I pulled the sexism card b/c lets be honest, I need the time to try and catch on work and if Rachel stayed I wouldn't get much work done ;)  So the Itteh bitteh kitteh campin commiteh is going camping.  Oh Cod!  This just sounds like a horrible idea.  

If this sounds familiar, well it is.  He tried to go with our congregation about a month ago.  It went horridly.  Rachel was MISERABLE and they never even got to a camp site.  The rain hit them and than a hail storm.  They were home before the night was up.  This time the weather can't be an excuse.  Whatever happens, unless he admits defeat for a crazy idea he will be sleeping in the wild with three kids who are nothing but wilderness kids.  I'm glad Chris brothers are coming.  Otherwise I would be really worried.

As truly silly as I think this whole thing is I must add, I respect Chris sooooo much for trying this.  Cally is still in diapers after all.  This is not going to be easy and Chris knows it.  The kids have a really super strong bond with me and I know that is why he is doing this.  He wants them to have a strong happy life long bond.  I don't think this is the way I would go about that but man I respect Chris for having the courage to try.  To have the faith to want to have a close bond with his kids.  For all of Chris' fallacies he loves us all and he does want us to be close.  Daddy is not some part-time job.

Still, I am less than convinced this is going to be a good idea.  Time will tell.  Hopefully this won't end up a scary story that we all tell around a camp fire.  

Midnight Musings...

I'm staying up way too late tonight.  I'm going to pay tomorrow by being even more tired than I was today.  Ever since the accident I'm having a lot of trouble with my head.  I'm forgetting a lot, I'm tired, and it is often hurting. Sitting up watching Dance Mom is going to doom me when that alarm goes off, but alas I'm doomed. 

My life is so loud and so busy.  I feel like everyone always wants something of me but very few people stop and think about what I need.  Ironically enough the best in the bunch are my kids.  They are always attune to my feelings.  They are even getting better at it than my cats.  Tonight my head has been going so fast and so hard with all that I have to do and with pain.  I was grateful for 3 special spirits who made my load a little lighter.

Never the less I still don't want to go to bed tonight.  I'm enjoying Dance Moms and it is good entertainment.  It is nice to be in a place where the phone is not ringing, Chris is not whining, and it is peaceful.  I know I need to go to bed but I just don't want too because tomorrow when I wake up I have to do the whole thing all over again.

Cookies, Pictures, and a funeral...

Time has a way of flying.  Tonight I was pulling up a file and I accidentally opened some old pictures.  I cannot look at my kids and than look at these pictures without wonder.  It is like Holy Crab they are going to be dating and driving if I blink. 

Last Friday I found out a dear friend of mine lost her husband.  It made me so sad for her b/c I know she is in pain.  I know her husband had a tough end and he is at peace.  It made me realize though death is not that difficult for the people who go (unless you just are total jack a** in life), it is harder on the people who stay.  

It makes me grateful for the pictures and the memories I make.  I don't think I will ever wish Chris worked more, but I do wish sometimes we just played more.  In that sense sometimes I am that same way.  Stuck in my own groove of life and not appreciating the people around me.  I don't think I'll be making any meals for my friend.  I think she might be scared of whatever I would create.  So I baked cookies.  I do actually make decent cookies.  I wish I could do more.  There is not much you can do though in these situations but let people know you are there and you care.  

Still, I can learn.  Tomorrow I'm breaking a rule, we are going to do more cheesy family photos at Sears.  I had promised I would do them the right way with Allison. With the accident though I forgot to schedule them.  We will have her do nice ones in a few months, after her wedding season is up.  Still, the kids keep getting bigger and I want more pictures.  Chris and I had canceled our vacation this Summer because of the accident, but I think we need to reconsider that. After all it is the only time of the year it seems like we even connect.  I can't just wait for life or go through the motions.  Life is about appreciating it when you have it and loving those around you.  

Hotdog Harmon!

Today I found out that Harmon's CT Scan came out normal!  WOHOO!!!  But that is not the only reason why I wanted to write about him.  Honestly he is a treasure.

Harmon has that smile that can woo a hundred ladies.  Tonight he saw I was tired and so he kept running into my room just to jump on the bed next to me and help me smile.  He kept singing "HOTDOG" as loudly as possible (he got it from Rach's Minnie Mouse Movie) and than he would smile and run off.  When he went to bed instead of the kiss and hug good night I asked for he said: "I will give you four kisses and four hugs because I love you" and he did just that!  Earlier today I happened on some of his baby pictures.  From the beginning he was just so charming and special.  There is a magnetic quality about Harmon and it has always been there.  He is also evil brilliant and it can be scary how smart he is.

His nick-name is Harmonious and honestly sometimes he is less than Harmonious.  I remember when he was eight months we started getting these red flags.  He would cry for hours b/c he was just out of sorts.  He is still that at times, and those days that are especially hard on him I feel less than adequate as a mom.  I feel bad for him that he can struggle like he does to make sense of his world.  With that said those days are much less frequent.  Night terrors (he wakes up randomly screaming at like 2 am) are also less frequent; although he got me bad last night b/c his screaming was so loud it woke up his sister and brother.  That is the best part of all of this, he still has his challenges but he is overcoming many of them.  Things like eye contact which was really difficult for him now is starting to really come together.

Harm isn't the type of kid who lets things in the long run keep him down.  The most amazing part of the process is that he is learning how to really connect better with people and with me.  It is amazing to see the empathy he has had since the accident.  He has as earlier learned to pick up people when they are down.  Tonight I reprimanded Cally and Cally started crying.  Harm went and found Cally's favorite train and brought it to him saying, "don't cry Cally.  Let's play."  That is just being a quality big brother right there :)

Our big thing recently is that Harmon graduated from pre-school.  The only problem is he still has a year till Kinder.  So we are likely integrating him into a new type of school (the twins might even attend at the same time with him).  After all we wen through keeping Harm in special education for this school year, we all feel strongly it is time to exit him.  The biggest challenge was that it was in a "contained" class meaning he was limited socially in some ways because there were so many teachers for just a small handful of kids.  While I do think exiting at this point feels right, I will mourn him being in such a special class room.  His class had students with serious challenges and I think that is where Harmon learned empathy.  He could see a fellow student in pain or in serious confusion and Harmon learned to be kind.  He was very much a leader helping to support his peers

We have a lot of changes in store for my special little man but I don't doubt that he can handle it.  He is just really thriving and doing things I was told he wouldn't be doing for a long time.  It is delightful to see his progress!  Now we have the stomach issue to figure out as well.  I'm considering my options carefully at this point.  We will update readers which path to follow with this.  He is starting school in August and I don't want this issue looming for him all the time.  With that said it breaks my heart to have him go through a lot of invasive testing that doesn't yield useful answers.  One thing I learned when Harm was diagnosed with Sensory Integration is that this is a condition that affects him but it doesn't define him.  What defines Harmon is his sweetness and amazing intelligence that he share with us everyday. He is just a really great little boy and even though he picks his nose, I still do love him!!!

Mommy fear and keeping faith...

 So Harm has had a really unique situation for a little over two years.  He barfs.  Just randomly once or twice a month he wakes up horribly barfy.  Our pediatrician said don't worry.  It isn't a big deal, just give him Zofran.  She explained it is probably connected to the night terrors that I have mentioned frequently in the blog.  So I accepted it.  I didn't want to be that parent.  Than this week she changed her mind.  She insisted we get a CT Scan right away.  She said by now he should have grown out of it but instead it is worse.


So we got the talk it is likely this, but it could be that...  That is a scary talk.  Than looking at the CT orders and seeing brain tumor as a possibility I have been more worried.  Reasonably I just know in my heart it isn't that worse case scenario.  It can not be.  Still I've been crushed by worry.  


As per Harm he was a champ today.  We did not have to sedate him!!!  He took the IV and he stayed still for that darn scan.  He was the AMAZING LITTLE MAN he just always is.  We will know hopefully tomorrow the results.  I have a good feeling.  After the scan it is off to see a gastroenterologist in El Paso and hopefully that will be some quick easy answers.  Still I will feel better in the morning.

On top of everything last night Cally got a bloody nose.  This is another odd common thing in our house with Callum.  It just bleeds.  My brother has a clotting disorder that is very serious but Cally's has always stayed in check.  Last night it didn't.  It lasted to the point where we might have considered a hospital trip and than it reopened while he was sleeping.  We woke up to him covered in blood everywhere!  So this will also be on the check list of "to-do's" with our pediatrician tomorrow.  Hopefully with a Vitamin K supplement this won't happen anymore.  


But gosh, does our family really need this?  I've tried not to complain but SERIOUSLY this year has been ridiculous!!!  These two boys have been through a lot just seeing what I've gone through.  I have always been an optimistic sunny person but holy crap I'm not feeling sunny.  Heavenly Father if you read blogs please give us all a break!!!!!

The Joe Cool Cally Jolly Swagger!

As I promised I want to update everyone on each of the kids.  Tonight I picked the coolest of da toddler little boys out there: Callum! 

Callum is doing just really well in everything that comes to being a little boy.  When we were in Albuquerque everyone asked his name and he would reply "I'm Cally Jolly".  That is how I describe him.  He is the easy going "Joe Cool" in our family.  Rachel and Harmon are both real hot heads just like Chris and I, Callum is not.  He is the the thinker in many ways.  He loves to not get involved right away but watch the world around him and than react.  This makes him an excellent peacemaker.

The funnest part of Callum is his confidence.  He has a swagger.  For example when I ask him for a kiss he always just smiles and says "No thank you".  Than you give up and he jumps into your arms and whispers softly: "I love you" and gives me a kiss.  I will admit he just is always charming me that way.  If I ask him to do anything he responds: "Oh yes please" or "Oh no thank you".  These manners make a girl's heart melt but it is tough on me because I will ask him to do something and he is just so polite saying no that I feel guilty asking him to do it anyway.  My favorite response he gives me is YUUUPPPP!  I think he watches too much Storage Wars.  He is always smiley though and is just a delight with to talk too.

With that said he still has his moments.  He is funny because he doesn't like to jump in right away.  For example the potty scares him.  It is just something he doesn't want to try and I'm freaking out a little because if he doesn't potty train by August he doesn't go to Pre-K and I'm not going to have child care for him if he doesn't start pre-k with Rachel.  I think he will do it.  He is a cautious watcher but he always does do it.  For example today I took him and Rachel swimming.  Rachel now just jumps in (which is scary as a parent but she is skilled and has a puddle jumper on and I'm watching her like a hawk).  On the other hand Cally sat on the steps of the pool and watched Rachel and I.  After a little time of consideration he just jumped in from the stairs and soaked himself.  Afterwards he was so proud of himself: I JUMP IN MOMMA!!!

In response to our most common question, yes he still has his hair.  It is going from a cute thing to sort of a fun mission to see how long we can go.  He enjoys it a lot.  He loves the fun hairdo's and likes the attention.  Of course we do run into the gender confusion so sometimes we specify by sign (see above).  One day he will decide he wants "normal hair" and I will oblige but for now I'm glad he likes it.

Being so sick it has been wonderful to have my little ray of sunshine.  He is a delight and I'm grateful for his smiles.  He is a really smart special little guy and I'm glad to always have him by my side and glad he is a brother to Rachel and Callum.  In a family of firecrackers it is nice to have a sparkler.


Last Note: I'm keeping Harm's update for last because there are some things going on that we will know more about on Wednesday.  Don't worry, he is next for updates!!!  Can't forget my little cool man ;)

Where I've been...

I blogged better when I was fresh off the accident than I am doing these days.  Not on purpose and I plan on doing much better!!!  It was crazy, I went from being on narcotic medications watching marathons of America's Next Top Model and decaying on a couch, too suddenly being thrust back into life with everything my old life was about.  School for Harm ended, back to driving, working, and just living :)  

It is a good thing but it is also exhausting.  I forgot how my "normal" life is when I'm not on sick leave.  It is pretty great though to be honest.  We went on a whim to Albuquerque Memorial Day weekend.  I was hoping to meet up with friends but I biffed the date.  Still we had a great time.  There have been a lot of other things too that are new and good.  We also have some new serious challenges.  Most of all we have been hanging out swimming, doing fun activities, and life is good!