Quiet Hanukkah Lights with Hope

This year has been a quiet Hanukah and I suspect it will be a quiet Christmas in general.  Between moving in a few weeks, finishing my masters, applications, work, etc we all have just been taking it easy.  (Chris actually was the adamant one though that next year we go all out again).  So this year we have our one menorah out and I we are doing a small lesson each night.  More importantly though I'm trying to make sure the kids start seeing the miracles around them.

I've noticed lately we have grumpy children and I think it is because they have grumpy overworked parents.  Either way Callum is always talking how everyday is a horrible day and Harm ain't a lot better.  So this year as a gentleman named Thomas Motson once said in life you should foster an attitude of gratitude and that is what I'm trying to help our kids foster.  Since Hanukah is all about recognizing all of God's miracles and believing in his power that is the biggest lesson I want my kids to learn.  I wish I could get it through their heads how truly blessed as a family we are and how much God has given us.  I know in time though, if I continue in faith to teach them, they will one day get it.

Another random thing I did was stumble upon Auschwitz, The Final Solution on a channel that is next to my Discovery ID that I never noticed.  It was a three part series on what happened at Auscwitz-Birkenau camp and it really hit me.  I see in this day and age all this hate everywhere.  I see our politicians talking about racial profiling Muslims and not allowing them to enter our country peacefully.  Of course I follow the conflict in Israel daily.  Mass shootings, terrorism, ISIS, etc. and the Devil really has power here on this earth.  Yet watching this special reminded me of all of the survivors I've either met or worked with and their resilience to move forward in this world and have joyful lives.

God really does work miracles and there can be real peace in faith.  May this holiday (no matter what you choose to celebrate) bring you peace and light.  May you find miracles in your day to day lives and be happy.  Happy Hanukkah!!!

Being Careful not to get lost in a sea of PINK!

I love hope!  If I didn't have hope my arthritis would have a cure one day I wouldn't have had children knowing there is a strong genetic link.  I currently have a sister who is in breast cancer remission and I have hope she will be just fine.  I am grateful for cancer research that helped put her and several of my friends in remission.  Each one is an inspiration in my life (you know who you are).  But after two straight weeks of a "Pink Out" at both NMSU and than Mesilla Elementary I have started questioning for the first time if our society have we lost our way a little.

When I was younger my 2nd older sister (who is six years older) did breast cancer projects through Zeta Tau Alpha sorority.  She put a card up in our shower to check your breasts while you are in the shower as a daily habit.  It taught me how and to this day I still do it.  With a mom and eldest sister who have had tumors, this could save my life one day or my daughters.  Education and research should always be the focus of our campaign.

But somewhere as a society we went from cancer awareness and walks to a total PINK OUT where every place you can imagine is hocking a pink ribbon product.  It's almost like Pumpkin products now.  You can't go anywhere with out a pumpkin spice anything being pushed in your face and while pumpkin is so yummy; what difference is PINK making in finding a cure.  When we buy these products are we really supporting breast cancer research?  Honestly, not always.  Most companies will not specifically disclose the amount of money that the product you are buying goes to research.  Some companies are suspected of donating no money towards research.

Companies have learned that pathos sells products and they make.  For example New Balance and Yoplait cap donations.  So for example Yoplait promised to donate up to 1.5 million in yogurt sales for their pink lid campaign.  They made an estimated 3.5 to 5 million from the campaign which led to significantly extra profit for the company.  Susan G Komen foundation has a CEO who makes on average $550,000 a year more than Arby's CEO does.  

Furthermore the biggest thing I've noticed this year is that we are losing the message.  It is no longer about: awareness, research, and support as the focal points of the campaign.  I mean really "save 2nd base" tees is a respectful way to share that message?  As a feminist, woman, and mom this isn't funny, yet all over NMSU and elsewhere in town I've noticed these items.  The "I love Boobies" bracelet was on a teachers aide at my kids elementary school causing my seven year old asking me why I he should love boobies.

After 3 straight days of Pink Week at Mesilla I asked my kids what have you learned about Pink Week.  Rachel responded it is about curing cancer.  So I asked her what cancer was... "I dunno".  Which was a better than when I asked my two boys who responded it (Harmon) is about getting out of class and my favorite (Cally's) "I dunno".  So yesterday I asked one of the teachers what they were teaching the kids, the teacher responded that it is our job as parents to teach kids what cancer is and what Pink Week means.  They are just sharing a message of love and hope.  It bugs me that we are doing PINK and yet we are not doing anything substantial to teach kids.  If it is too heavy of a topic to really talk about than what are the kids doing all week?

This month needs to focus on the survivors.  We need to teach prevention and education. Next do please donate, but choose carefully to donate donate directly towards specific groups rather than just buying second hand products.  Finally we should remember those survivors of cancer other than breast cancer and other diseases.  Breast cancer has become a trend and it's a good trend if done right but it doesn't take away from the fact that there are other cancers killing people everyday that don't receive attention.  This summer due to early detection I was blessed to catch Melanoma in it's earliest stage.  I lost my mother to a brain tumor last year and my husband lost his aunt to colon cancer.  Lung, pancreatic, colon, leukemia, and so many others are also killing our mothers, daughters, and sisters.  With diligence I do have hope we can find cures but some hookey little fad campaign isn't going to do it by itself.  It has to be more.

Saying goodbye to Dance for now!

 This past September I made one of the saddest decisions I've made in a while.  I quit my job as head of the Gym Magic Dance Program and to be honest I miss it every day since.  I loved my girls so much and it was the happiest job ever.  The problem was that this semester as I am finishing up my masters I am also taking a mix of PhD course as well as I'm transitioning into it.  Between that and work staying at a dance studio for several hours each week was too much.

I once read a talk by a inspirational leader named Dallin H Oaks, called "Choosing the Better Part".  In it he stated in life we must choose between "good, better, and best".  My education is the best thing I can do for myself and for my family in the large scheme of life.  It doesn't mean though that I don't miss my girls everyday!  Hopefully one day I will be teaching dance but if that doesn't happen again I will always cherish my memories and all the beautiful girls I taught.

Our Summer Scrapbook :)

From research in Las Vegas NV to being off the grid in Show Low or just being home, here are some photos to share of all of us this Summer.

Hello Again!

I was only planning on taking a couple of months off from blogging.  You see for the first time in a long time I spent the Summer not working (well sort of not working, because I was still teaching dance) and so the kids went off the grid slightly with me (still posted the occasional Facebook post) but in general I made a point that unless I was writing or researching I was spending my time with my kids.

Why?  Well to be honest my kids are getting so big so fast and there is stopping it.  I feel like if I don't make some time to just be with them than I will be missing out.  I also know that I am incredibly busy and crazy normally.  So since I'm blessed to work and go to school in a university system I should treasure that time away.  I worry so much that with all our being busy that my kids don't know who I am and worse I might not know what is in their hearts.

So this summer we learned those secrets.  My son Harmon (who I always thought was Daddy's mini-me) is my soul twin.  Rachel OMG that girl is just such a beautiful hurricane, so much power and determination mixed in with sensitivity and sweetness.  Callum, how do you describe a little boy filled with so much gentleness and thoughtfulness.  The kids learned my love of water and my goofy side.  

We spent hours in used book stores, art museums,  and explored our small village that we live in.  We went completely off the grid at the family cabin in Show Low with daddy a couple of times and it was delightful.  We did dance and gymnastics together.  They did a sports camp and a Jewish camp with our lovely Chabad House.  Rachel and I went to Las Vegas as I continued my academic research on prostitution there.  It went by so fast!  I have always valued my title as a working mom but it meant a lot to me to reaffirm the value of being a stay at home mom as well.   How blessed I am to be able to do both!

So I planned on blogging again once the kids went back to school but than (oh yeah I'm not a stay at home mom full time) and the work/school crunch hit me over the head with a mallet.  Oy vey!  It never stops.  But than BAM, my son Harmon broke my toe and with Halloween this week, I've taken a little breather from the work side this week (no driving allows a lot of extra time) and school is a chugging on nicely so I've decided I will try and write more of everything going on.  It will be a lot of blogs all at once but after this week I have promised myself to set aside at least once a week to update our family.

In honor of Fathers Day!

This has always been an interesting holiday.  For this reason I would like to speak a little on some of the fathers in my life.

My own father was charismatic and very complex and thus my relationship  with him has always been complex.  My father was never one to ride a lawn mower or change light bulbs. Instead he shared with me a love of Leonard Cohen and Ayn Rand.  He wasn't ever the grill master or straight laced father playing catch in the yard like you would see in a JC Penney catalog.  He never let me dwell in the fact that I was dyslexic but instilled a life long thrist to learn and gain knowledge. I learned to love great theater, fine wine, the British House of Commons, and nice vacations.  He was a passionate lawyer who taught me how to curse like a sailor and take charge.  I would not be the character I am without having my dad.  

He isn't perfect and sometimes growing up with him was not easy.  The passion he had in his life and the hardships he held in his heart often manifested into contention and sorrow.  Perhaps because of this though he has taught me most of all to endure.  To not let the hardships I have faced mar my soul like they did for him.  When my father had his stroke ten years ago he had sort of a rebirth.  My father is now the sweetest little guy you will ever meet.  While conversations are very much a struggle now I see this smart strong fighting spirit who now is very peaceful as well.  In that way he has taught me peace now.  We are none of us perfect people but he taught me we can all change and the importance of forgiveness.  Where once I used to look at my childhood with anger, I've found a peace and it it's stead I've moved forward. 

My husband's childhood was 100% different.  His father had nine kids and every weekend he was outside with them mowing lawns, washing cars, and church.  His dad taught my husband that fatherhood is a 24/7 job filled with service, strictness, and love.  I think Chris took those lessons and magnifies them every day a thousand fold.  Sometimes that is hard with my easy going personality who believes childhood should sometimes be more childlike but that is the neat part.  I see our kids growing up so strongly because of how my husband and I combine our styles and work together.  

He is very much the strong patriarch who plays ball in the yard and sings songs at bed time.  Where my father worked "smart" my husband works both strong and hard.  Building suits his personality because at the end of the day he can see all he accomplished.  As a parent I don't know if he sees all he has accomplishes in our home but I do and for this Father's Day I'm grateful for all he does for us.

Beach Bums

This Spring Break we went to San Diego to see some of my family.  Well they are all busy and so we never saw them.  But at least they didn't live in Siberia!  We spent the week soaking in the sun.

For me it is very healing being in the ocean.  I body boarded most of the time while the kids and Chris were beach bums playing sand castles, frisbee, and football.  It has been a rough few months for me and the water was so healing. 

We did go to the zoo, Lego Land and and some other things but nothing beats the beach.  I've had a really difficult time and now that the summer is here I hope to spend some more time in Vegas, Show Low and hopefully the beach in Los Angeles.  Nothing is more healing than resting with those you love!

Giggles and Girl Time!

While I love being a nerd with my sons, I find it just as important to spend time with baby Rachel.  Even if that getting may girl on.  When Rachel was first born in a prayer for the new baby she had a blessing that I would be her best friend.  Of course that will take effort for both of us.

So sometimes that means just doing shopping together or painting her toe nails.  Rachel is a unique baby girl.  She isn't about princesses.  She likes baby dolls and want to be a mommy she tells me every day.  She loves fashion and is anxious to start learning how to sew.  I loved picking out clothes for her but now she is a part of each decision.  I love how  good her taste is.  She picks out clothes for me.  Gymnastics is her real passion.  She wants to go back to doing arial gymnastics.  She asks me every day.  So I promised her as soon as my semester is over I will start doing it.  She also loves cooking.  I'm not allowed to make anything with out her help and I love that.

Mothers and daughters are complex relationships.  I struggled with my mom at times.  Growing up and having her work so much was difficult.  She took care of her alcoholic mother and sometimes I don't think she knew how to have a relationship with a daughter.  We learned to be patient with each other and through it we had a beautiful relationship in the end.

I'm so lucky to have a baby girl.  I try everyday to be there for her.  Sometimes it is just a fun mani/pedi moment and sometimes it means comforting her when she isn't happy with a gymnastics move and starts to get down on herself.  She is her own worse critic and so I strive to so hard to be there for each day lifting her up!

Something to Prove...

This semester  I have been determined to just be perfect.  I want to wow everyone.  I think the need comes out of pure frustration in the English Masters in Creative Writing there are many students who are parents and do wonderfully.  Of course most of those are male students.  There are handful of moms with older kids and even a smaller handful with one young child.  Yet my program has made it clear there are no mothers with three very small children other than me.

There have been in the past but they rarely stuck through it.  I've had other professors tell me that this is just something I do to stay busy.  I've had others tell me with everything going on in my life (such as my mothers passing) perhaps this isn't the time.

So this semester I'm taking zero prisoners.  I'm determined to not just keep up with peers but exceed. I want to exceed other's expectations and set a new precidence.  I've got just another semester of my masters but than I start the PhD.  I'm determined to show during this time that it doesn't matter I'm on chemo, have young kids, work a regular job (and a not so regular job), or anything else.  That anybody with talent and determination can do whatever somebody with more ideal circumstances can do.  I'm doing this for myself, and for other women who might come after me, but moreover I'm doing this for my daughter.  Hopefully one day she won't be looked at as handicapped by having a family, or anything else but rather be treated as an equal peer.

The Comic Book Nerds

Most people look at me and think "girlie girl".  In some ways I'm becoming more of one being the mother of the most ultimate girlie girl on the planet.  But deep down if you want to describe me the three words I would use are: dork, nerd, and geek.  Nothing shows that more than my love of comics which makes me, according to my boys: the coolest mom in the world.

Before Harm loved Harry Potter or Captain America, I loved the X-Men and their other marvel counterparts.   I used to write comics when I was young.  I can't remember what the acronym stand for I remember vividly writing about a team called the TMNT which was a group of mutant superheroes.  I probably would have forgotten about those guys but Harm asked me about his writing and it brought back those memories.

It's fun to see him grow and begin to do the super nerd things I would do.  He finds the coolest program on my computer is not a game or even the Internet but Microsoft Word.  He begs me to use it all the time.  This holiday season once our new home is done I plan on purchasing him a desktop. (We have a cute little homework desk planned for the kitchen).  This way he can use MS Word any time he wants.

Cally also is getting the super hero bug.  He always has Been my Star Wars kid.  No though we are bonding.  You see I loved Guardians of the Galaxy long before the new awesome movie.  Cally has fallen in love with Rocket and now he just loves wearing all things Rocket and loves looking at my old Guardians books.  So we got new comic subscriptions but instead of books bee now use the Kindle app.  Just like I used to read the comics to my momma they now read to me.  Rachel wants nothing of it but 2 out of 3 ain't bad.

It just goes to show that who would have ever guessed being a geek would be so cool.